A Dear Friend Loses Her Father

I received a phone call from a dear JLander this morning. Barbara who has the journal  Confessions Of An Angel Waitress  called me to let me know she lost her father today. I just knew when I heard her voice something was wrong. Barbara and I talked the other day about what was happening with her Dad. My heart breaks for her. I know how she feels, because I lost my own Dad in September of 2005. Barbara asked me to let you all know what happened, and also said she will make an entry herself when she is up to it. In the mean time, please go over to her journal and leave a few kind words for her. Let's show her we are here for her and give her a big hug too.

Thank you............Cindy xoxoxoxox

Just Things

  I have to tell you I am totally addicted to the show American Idol. Tonights 90 minute show just blew me away. But out of the male vocalists tonight, my favorite is David. That young man has the voice of a star. He is polite, smiles all the time, and is just so in love with singing. I voted for him. Even if he isn't voted the next American Idol, I believe he will go far in his singing career. Now when it is the girls turn to perform I will be voting again. I forget her name, but she is the nurse with the white in her hair. Whoa, can she sing. She puts so much energy into each of her performances, and you can tell she is having fun with it.

Speaking of music, our Rebecca had her first musical class today. My child is learning to play the violin. She is fasinated with it. Right now we are using one from the school, but I would so love to get her one of her own, so she can practice over the summer, and not lose interest. Ever since she was 2yrs old she has loved music. She'd get out my pots and pans and spoons and drum. She pretended she was playing an invisible guitar, and now she has her own guitar.

Ok, so I am in her class today, while she was upstairs in music class and it comes over the speaker, that the school is in lockdown. My God my heart just about stopped. Here I was locked in the classroom with a bunch of kids and the teacher, and my child isn't in the room with me. I was terrified. I wanted my baby by my side. But 5 minutes later the lockdown was lifted. We then got the kids coats and bookbags and took them outside to their parents. I waited almost 10 minutes for my child to come outside. When I saw her I grabbed her up and gave her the biggest hug ever. She told me, Mommy I was scared. I thought I wasn't going to see you for a long time. My heart sank and I almost cried, because she had tears in her eyes. I can promise you this. She will not be attending that school come September. There's only a few months of school left, and I can deal with that, but First Grade and up, no fricken way is she going there for those grades.

Moving is a number one priority for us now. Out of this city is a must. Philadelphia use to be a nice place, but now it is just horrible. You can't even sit on yourporch in fear of stray bullets or some other kind of trouble. Pathetic isn't it? Every where you look there is grafitti, trash, broken down cars, smashed windows, little drug bags on the ground. It is disgusting. Oh yea, and I found out today that the school Rebecca goes to was voted one of the worst schools in Philadelphia. There were 70 schools voted on and hers was one of the first 30.

Well, it is 10:30pm and I am tired. My legs are bothering me really bad tonight. Just aching all over, like a giant charlie horse. Only thing to do for that is take my 2 Arthritis Tylenol and get under my warm blankets and stretch out my legs. It's the only thing that helps. I hope the tylenol kicks in quickly.

UGHHHHHHH, I just heard the "S" word on the news. They said friday gonna be a nasty day. Snow, snow, snow, is spring here? I'm sick of cold winter weather. I'm sick of it being chilly in my apartment. Joe is heavy and he doesn't get cold so easy so he keeps the heater set on 65 to 66 during the day and 63 at night. My radiators have never gotten really hot, just warm.

Oh well, enough depressing things said already. Keep warm for those in the cold area's and keep cool for those in warmer areas.

Love you all.......................CINDY

 

Thank you Sugar for the above tag.

Good to be home.

It has been a long 8 days for sure. The 4 lil one's really worked us. Dan spent 2 weeks in Betty Bacarach Center. He received Aqua Therapy, Physical Therapy, Mental Therapy. That monday morning when he left he could barely move and was a basket case. But the following saturday I drove Emma and the kids to see him and wow what a difference he was. It was our old Dan back. He was so happy to see everyone. He had gifts for the kids and a big Valentine of chocolates and a card for Emma. She was so surprised. There was lots of hugs and kisses all around. I was thanked at least a dozen times from Dan for bringing his family to him. The smiles on all their faces made that 1 1/2 hour drive worth it. It was even better that I knew my way there, because I am from that area. Born and raised in Atlantic County. Anyways here's a few pics of the hospital visit. Daniel was so cute, he really thought he was pushing his Daddy around, lol.

  The kids sat on the bed and watched cartoons and were so good. After our visit was over we stopped at McDonalds in Egg Harbor, NJ and got dinner. We were all starving. Then it was the drive home, which wasn't bad at all. We got home before dark, which is what I wanted, because my eyesight at night isn't that great.

The girls wanted to go outside to play a few days ago, and here they are at play, but have no idea how this dirt got all over them. They said the wind must of blew it on them, lol.

 Perfect angels............not, lol. When they came in it was shoes off on the porch, straight to laundry room to remove clothes and into the shower where Emma scrubbed them down from head to toe.

 My lil man Daniel and his favorite cookies. Honey Grahams.

 Adrianna is now 5 months old. She is so petite but long. I think she's gonna be tall when she grows up. Look at her eyes. She has the biggest brown eyes.

 Daniel loves his Aunt Rebecca. He is always giving her hugs, then kisses his own hand and pats her on the head with it, lol. He is too cute.

 Hmm whats up here? Not as happy to hug his big sister, lol. Probably because she bosses him around. We call these 2 Max and Ruby, lol.

Emma giving Adrianna a bath.

 Dinner time. They wanted chicken noodle soup and bread and butter.

 Marissa was visitor of the day in Rebecca's class on tuesday. She had a great time and really enjoyed herself. The home schooling is coming along great. She is doing so well.

A storm rolled the other day. We got some rain and a few rumbles of thunder, then it was gone.

 This next pic is awful. Adrianna is adorable, but I look like total crap. You can tell I am exhausted.

 Yesterday we woke up to this, which I totally hate and am looking forward to sprin, lol.

 But a few hours later all was well because Dan was home and everyone was happy. You can tell by the look on his face he is feeling much better now. Dan asked me again to tell you all, your awesome people and thank you for all your prayers, letters, cards. He said you guys are the best.

 He has to use the crutches for a little whil longer, then it will be a cane. But hey he's alive, he's home and he is getting well, that's all that matters, right? Well, that's about it. I have alot of alerts to catch up on. I will start on them after I make Jim a good breakfast. He said he missed home cooked meals, awww. Take care my friends.

Love you all.......................CINDY

 

aoljpictureUpload, aoljpictureUpload_15

I'm Home

I am home. I have mised you all so much. Thank you Angie for posting for me. You rock lil sis. I will be back later with a proper entry and lots of pictures. Oh and Dan looks great.

 

Love ya all........Cindy

Cindy is returning home tonight, Update on DAN

Hi Gals ,

It is Angie here.

I have gotten some texts from Cindy and wanted to post (sorry I should have posted yesterday)

Cindy wll be coming home tonight as Dan was released from the hospital today.

Dan has been doing good and she misses everyone.  Sorry I didn't post earlier, but I really don't have any other information. Just wanted everyone to know that both Cindy and Dan are okay and I'm sure she will update us all this weekend. Of unless she is frozen like we are here in Icy Ohio.

  

Ang

???????

My sister Lucy called me. She was at work the other night by herself. She works at Delmarva Tobacco Outlet on the Eastern Shore Of Virginia. There is no outside lights to the parking lot except for a lightbulb over the door. So you cannot see if anyone enters the lot until they are right up to the door. She is behind the counter and all of a sudden the door opens and a black man wearing a ski mask and carrying a 9mm handgun enters the store and points the gun right at my sister. He tells her to open the cash register or he is going to shoot her. She quickly opens it and he tells her to get on the floor. He reaches in the cash register takes the money ($300.00) and then walks around behind the counter. My sister begged him not to shoot her. She told him to go ahead and take anything he wanted but please do not shoot her. He grabs some cartons of Newport cigarrettes. He then tells her do not get up or he will kill her. She shakingly told him she wouldn't. He then ran out of the store. She listened for a bit and didn't hear anything and she inched her way on the floor over to the panic button and pushed it. Then she slowly got up and seen he was not in the store or at the door and she quickly got up and locked the store door. She ran to the back office, locked herself in and dialed 911. It took the police 45 minutes to get there. When they arrived they took the information, watched the security tape. My sister asked them how come it took so long to get there. They told her they couldn't find the place. It is not properly lighted and very hard to see from the highway. My sister is traumatized. She's even scared to be alone in her own home now. She calls her regional manager and the main office. Asks for a couple days off, they tell her no. She asks that they assign someone with her to work nights, they said no. She asks them to light the parking area, again she is told no. This company makes millions and they say they can't afford to put up proper lighting? They told her if she didn't like their policy then quit. She can't, because she needs this job. Jobs on the eastern shore are scarce, if you got one you better keep it, cause it could be months before you found another one. She has worked there over 2 years, even worked on holidays when no others would and this is how she is treated. She is at work now. Everytime the door opens she is terrified it is gonna be another robbery. I am gonna ask for you all to put her in your prayers so that she may stay safe.

Now I am not gonna be on the internet for a few days. I am leaving later tonight and going to Emma's, where I will be staying for a few days. I will be back home tuesday. Emma is about drained and really needs some rest. So, I am going to pack up some things, Rebecca and go over there. I am also taking her and the kids to go visit Dan for the day tomorrow. I know he is missing Emma and the kids alot, and they are missing him.

If anything happens I will be in touch with a few jlanders and let them know to let you all know. Sugar if you read this before 7pm will you email me with your phone number? I cannot for the life of me find it, grrrrrrrrrr.

So take care everyone. Keep warm, dry, cool where ever you live, and have a wonderful 3 day weekend. I am going to miss you all. Maybe I'll write a few letters while I am there. And LJ, Emma says thank you for all the baby coupons. She is making good use of them for sure. I am going to clear out some pics off my camera, so I can take lots of pics over the next few days, to share with you all when I get home.

Love to you all.......................CINDY xoxoxo

Marissa, Dan, Flooded kitchen, Ice and Grrrrrrrr

Roof is leaking again. Woke up to a flooded kitchen floor, soaked table and cabinet. Lovely. Snowed, sleet, now raining in past 24 hours. Roads are crappy. I hate driving in winter. Dan is doing great. They are keeping him busy with therapy.

Marissa is not allowed back to her school because of the days she has missed. Those missed days could not be helped. With Dan injured, then in and out of hospital, no car and the cost of bus fare, it was impossible to get her to school everyday on time. With me taking her to school in mornings where she was late each day, then it costing Emma 13.00 a day for bus fare to get her home from school because the school is 2.5 miles from her house.

Suppose to rain all day today. I have to take Rebecca ro school, go to Emma's and homeschool Marissa, then at noon go back to Rebecca's school and stay til 3:09. Then take Emma to the bank and store and come home so Jim can have the van to take a computer he reprogrammed for our friend Rick.

I'd better go now and get things rolling. Keep dry stay warm.

Love ya all...................Cindy xoxoxo

Quick Note

Dan is in the rehab center. He will be there anywhere from 1 to 2 weeks. He will be receiving physical therapy, aqua therapy and mental help.

We fought to have my granddaughter placed n school with Rebecca and we didn't win. The only way was for Emma to give up guardianship to me and we cannot do that. So, that Marissa doesn't fall behind and knows as much as the kids in her first grade class come September, I am homeschooling her. Just 2 hours each morning and she will be ok. Rebecca's teacher is going to help me with lesson plans and work sheets. And has given me sites to register at and download material to use also.

Ok I said this was quick. I have to get Rebecca dressed, and myself. Fix Jim's lunch and get my things together for Marissa today. Then be at the school at 12noon to help with Rebecca's class.

Snow, ice and rain coming my way later this afternoon. Is it spring yet.

Love you all..................

Tags: D's Design's

aoljpictureUpload, aoljpictureUpload_1

Happenings

Maybe this time I can get this finished before I am interrupted. Dan went to his doctor appointment on thursday. The incisions are healing great. The doctor told Dan that Emma is doing a great job keeping them cleaned so they can heal so nicely. He gave Dan a prescription for more percosets and more valiums. The driver from AIG then drove Dan over to the Betty Bacarach Rehabilitation Center. No ambulance because workmans comp wouldn't cover it and Dan would of been billed for it. Dan get's to the rehab center, get's to look around, see's the head doctor and is told what I had already told Dan. He is suffering from PTSD and other issues from the fall and his personnal life and does need therapy for that also. But......................................He cannot be admitted then because they don't have a bed open until monday. It took alot of talking to get Dan to even go and they say there's no bed until monday. So his driver brings him home. Each day his mental health is getting worse. I mean it's so bad Emma wants to call 911 just to get him out of the house into any place that can help him. Yesterday it was bad. He kept saying give me a gun, I can't do this anymore. Then it was I need tequila. Someone please go get me a bottle please. They all said no. He kept asking and asking. Emma said he talked to poppop Bill and his sponser from AA, he asked later again if someone would get him a bottle. Emma told him to call my Mom Dan. Ask her to go get you a bottle of tequila. His reply, No way, she'd kill me if I asked her, lol. That's because yesterday I told him if he even picks up a drink I would hurt him so bad that the pain he is in now would be nothing compared to the pain I would cause him. He hasn't asked for a drink since she told him to call me. He has 6 years of sobriety and I will not let him screw it up. Monday cannot come soon enough. He needs both physical and mental therapy right away.

Emma is so worn out, depressed, aggrivated, emotionally drained. But she doesn't let Dan see it. While I was staying there we would get the kids in bed by 9pm, then she'd get Dan showered, dressed and medicated and get him into bed. I'd make a pot of coffee and Emma and I would sit in the kitchen at the table til 2am some nights talking. It was nice sitting up just the 2 of us having some mommy and me time. It's been so long since we have done that. I really enjoyed it.

I would get up around 7, put on a pot of coffee, get dressed, then get Rebecca up and dressed. Take her to school. Come back to Emma's, get Marissa and Daniel fed, and by that time Emma was up and helping Dan to get up and get him set up on the couch with his coffee and medication. Then I'd take him in a bowl of cereal and or fruit so he could eat something taking that medicine.

I was there 4 days, and when I came home I was drained. Jim missed us. He kept asking when we were coming home. He didn't like being home alone after the first 2 days. Rebecca missed her daddy. So since my nephew had returned thursday morning from North Carolina seeing his son, I was able to come home because he said he would help Emma. He's been fixing the meals, doing dishes, taking out the trash, helping with the kids.

Then Emma's washer breaks down. Dan was on the phone with a union rep when Emma said loudly the washer is shot. Well, that union rep, came over took Emma to sears had her pick out a washer and dryer, paid for it in cash and she is waiting for it to be delivered now. Father Tim called yesterday while I was at her house asking if she needed anything. She said food and diapers. He sent Sister Mary over with 6 gift cards from ShopRite for 25.00 each. So Emma will be going grocery shopping tonight. My niece Katie is taking her. I had to take Emma to Cinnaminson, NJ this morning to get Dan's medication refilled.

Well, I guess that's about it on the update. Anymore happenings and I'll post it all. Jim is back now so I will go. Hope your all having a good day. I will try to get to your journals this weekend. I am so behind.

Love to all.....................Cindy

Back for now

I am in a rush right now so can't post a decent entry, and last night I was so tired I coldn't think. I will be back sometime today and make a  decent entry. Thank you so much Ang/Pey for posting my updates for me. You rock girl. Going to fight with Board of Education today. Putting my granddaughter in Rebecca's class come monday whether they like it or not. Her teacher is willing to have another student in her class, so there shouldn't be  a problem. I'll be back later.

Love ya all..................Cindy

Thursday Update on Dan

Hey! It's Peyton Angie here again! I think I'm going to just journal as my own take from talking to Cindy instead of trying to translate it to perfection, I only pray I get 99% of it correct when I go over our conversation! 

I called Cindy and spoke with her a little bit ago. Dan has not been officially "admitted" yet UNTIL a doctor comes and goes over what is going on and makes a decision whether he needs to stay or receive treatment at home.

I personally pray they keep him there because he needs the help that I believe he can fully get at a facility right now. He is not on any type of anxiety/depression medication. This totally shocked me.

He cries at the drop of a hat, every little thing sets him off, he is sinking what seems to be in a very dark place depression wise. Please continue to keep Dan in all your thoughts and prayers. This young family has been through the ringer and back already.

Emma is doing well and the dr. was quite impressed on how clean she has kept his incisions and such. She is a very strong woman and is standing faithfully by his side all the while raising 3 kids.

I don't recall which one, but either her dryer or washer broke. The Union of Dan's work stepped in and bought her a new replacement for both washer and dryer. I believe they will be delivered and installed tomorrow.

Cindy is at Emma's right now, and she wanted me to tell Sugar and Pam (I sure hope I got that right, PAM, sorry if I'm wrong) that she forgot her list of phone numbers and that is why she has not contacted you.  I did not yell at her about this, maybe I should! hahahhaha

I told her that so many have commented here and are giving there unconditional Jland love, support and prayers during this time.

About Dan

This is Angie/Pey from Peytons Water.

I have been texting with Cindy so I am going to post what I know so far that she has told me.

Tomorrow they are admitting Dan to Betty Bacarach Rehab Center. He will be taken via ambulance. They were waiting from approval from the insurance prior to this for him to go.

Please keep them all in your thoughts and prayers :)

aoljurlAdd, aoljurlAdd_1

I'll be back in a few days

I just wanted to let you all know I am moving in with Emma for a few days. Dan has taken a turn for the worse and we have no choice but to have him commited for evaluation. This morning he threatened to kill himself because he said he is useless to his family and can function like a normal man. This has really scared Emma, because 8 years ago one of Dan's brother's hung himself and died. So I am needed at her house to help in any way I can. I will try to keep in touch via cell texts to Angie. And will also call Pam and Sugar so they can also keep you updated.

Love you all................Cindy

My Son in law

I had a nice long talk with my SIL and daughter Emma today. With what Emma told me and with what Dan tried to tell me, I feel there's something wrong with Dan emotionally and mentally. Here is a list of what they told me and what I witnessed personally.

No appetite, you have to make him eat something.

Last night Emma said he was freaking out about his back itching. He kept yelling please someone please kill me now. Stop the itching please stop the itching.

Whats on my back? Get it off, get it off now.

He is sweating so bad he has to keep changing his clothes.

Sleep is a big problem for him, he's having a real hard time sleeping nights.

He cries at the drop of a dime. He continuously tells Emma he is sorry when she does something for him. He has it in his head that Emma is going to leave him and she is not.

He puts himself down all the time. Says he doesn't feel like a man anymore, and he doesn't like himself.

He is taking 5mg valium every 4 hours for muscle spasm's and 20mg percoset every 4 hours for pain. To me I think it is entirely too much medication.

Last night his actions scared Emma to the point where she wanted to call 911. Thankfully though he calmed down and finally fell asleep. Emma is going to see how he is tonight, and if he's not anybetter, she is going to commit him into friends hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. I don't have a medical degree, but in my opinion I feel he is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

He can be sitting down and get a feeling that he is falling. He will start shaking, speech gets all messed up and it's like he is in a trance for a few seconds.

I think maybe he needs to see a professional therapist. Another thing that is bothering him is the fact his mother hasn't called or came over to see him. This hurts Dan deeply. His brothers have not been over to see him, but they will call and send money over to Emma for things she needs.

Dan and I talk alot. He knows he can come to me and talk to me about everything and anything. Today I made him a tuna on toast with lettuce and tomato and he ate the whole thing. He told me in his heart I am his Mom, because I am there everyday helping Emma to take care of him and the kids. Dan allowed me to check his incisions tonight and to put a cooling gel on his back to relieve some of the itching. The itching is caused by the surgical tape strips on his back. Once they fall off the itching will go away. I asked Dan if I could photograph his back. He said yes and gave me permission to put it here in my journal. He said you guys have followed this since the beginning and he doesn't want to keep anything from you all. He also said thank you again for the cards. Each card brought tears to his eyes knowing you all cared for him. And he said your prayers are working, and to please continue praying for him. So here is what the back surgery left.

He goes to see his doctor on thursday, and in 2 weeks he starts physical therapy. I guess I will go now. I am exhausted and gotta get up early.

Love to all.............CINDY

aoljpictureUpload, aoljpictureUpload_1

An Overnight Guest

For the first time in his short little life so far I had a house guest. My grandson Daniel decided he wanted to have a sleepover at Mommom's house. Usually he says no, because he wants to sleep in his crib. But last night as I asked him if he was ready to go home, he said no mommom, me stay here and have a sleepover. So I called Emma and Dan and told them the news. They were a little scared, because Daniel has never spent a night without them. Emma said you don't have a bottle for him. Well, I had one of Adrianna's here. The kind that takes the disposable bag, but I had no bags, so..........I took 2 sandwich bags, stuck one inside the other, filled it with milk put lid on then trimmed off excess plastic bag. And there we had it, a bottle, lol. At 8:45 I called Emma so mommy and daddy could say goodnight to their lil boy. He told his parents he loved them then off to sleep he went. He got up at 7:55 this morning, a happy lil boy and has said Mommom I love you at least a hundred times already, lol. Man, this kid melts my heart. I took some pics, so I will close this with them and go and fix breakfast.

Love to all...............Cindy

aoljpictureUpload, aoljpictureUpload_5

The Birthday Girl

Here's the birthday girl. She is such a sweetheart. Her Mommy and Daddy came walking in with a big beautiful cake and ice cream and the smile on her face was priceless. We all sang Happy Birthday to her. The teacher gave her a big sticker book and a big box of crayons and I gave her that big card she is holding with a little something in it for her piggy bank. She was one happy little girl for sure. While the kids all sat eatting the cake and icecream, we put on a movie for them to watch, ICE AGE. They love this movie.

It was a great day for sure.

Love to all..........Cindy xoxoxo

aoljpictureUpload, aoljpictureUpload_3

Thank you and more..........

  What an honor it was to find out I was chosen by Sugar to receive this awesome award. Sugar thank you so very much. It means so much to me. Here is what Sugar said about me: *CINDY who has a big heart, & is precious to me. That was so nice. So now I have to pick 6 people/journals who I think deserve this award. That's a really hard thing to do, because I love all of you and love reading all about your life.  So here's my 6 choices.

Angie/Peytonswater: This lady is an inspiration to me. She is an angel, a friend a sister in heart, and I love her dearly. She's a Mom of 3 very handsome son's and a loving wife. She enjoys the outdoors with her family, and has a business called CanyonSun, where she makes right from her own home the most amazing products for your skin and body.

Pam: Who is a wonderful nurse, mom and friend. This lady loves life, loves the people in her life, and if I lived in California and were to get sick I'd request that she be my nurse. She doesn't just take care of her patients, she also cares for her patients and their families.

Jeanne: Who I met last year. She is a remarkable woman, so full of energy. A mom of 3 beautiful kids, wife of a very caring and loving man, and a million other things she does each day. She is always on the go doing for others. I had a great time meeting her. My daughter and 2 older grandchildren, loved her immediately. Especially my grandson, because Jeanne had a cell phone and let him play with it.

Nelishia: This lady is amazing. She raised her children and now is raising her granddaughter. Her husband is a dedicated man not only to making Nelishia happy but also making sure she has a place to call home and a place where her granddaughter can call a home.

Chrissie: Mom of 3 great kids, and naynay of an awesome little boy. She has devoted her life in making sure her children are happy, healthy and the same goes for her grandson.

LisaJo: A woman I can't wait to meet. She and I have so much in common. With all the problems of her childhood, she grew up and into a loving, caring kind hearted woman. She has a loving husband, 2 beautiful children and a full time job she has held for many years. She is also devoted to her 2 furr babies Maddie and TJ.

I wish I could of chosen more then 6 of you, because there is so many of you who deserve this award. I had better go now. I have to be at the school at 11:30. There is a birthday party happening for a sweet lil girl named Tihira. She is such a good lil girl, and is always giving me hugs, saying she loves me. Yesterday she gave me so many hugs. Being the teacher's aide and spending time with these kids is just amazingly rewarding. I'll take my camera today and ask her mom if I can show her picture. If I can I will make an entry tonight. Take care all and have a great day.

Love to all..........................CINDY XOXOXO

aoljpictureUpload, aoljpictureUpload_1