UGH Housework and things

I have 2 Labrador Retrievers & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.


A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.  I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.  

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

 

 

The above story was sent to me by my husband who at times is a nut. I have no idea where he finds these crazy stories. But most are very funny, like this one, so I thought I'd share it with you.

I had a nice day yesterday. Spent the day here at home babysitting my grandson. Now that he walks he is so muchhappier, but oh man is he a handful. Only 15 month's old and he climbs on everything and over everything, lol. Rebecca took a toy away from him yesterday that he really wanted but she thought he would get hurt playing with. Well, this little boy went right up to her and slapped her, then grabbed a handful of her hair and began tugging at it. She's screaming, Mommy get him off, and the more she screams the more he pulls and he's yelling in babytalk to her. All I can say is Marissa and Rebecca had better not mess with him when he gets a little bigger cause this boy will be kicking some butt, lol. He's growing up so fast. Learning to talk, only sigle words right now, but still, where is that little baby boy who I cuddled in my arms and watched smile as he slept? Now he'll grab his fuzzy blankie cuddle up with that and go to sleep. Kids grow up so fast. My daughter Rebecca is gonna be 5yrs old next month on the 13th. She was born 2 days after the 9/11 attack. I had a c-section that morning on the 13th and in the evening I was watching the news about the trade centers. I held my baby girl and cried. How awful that was to watch on tv, all those lives lost. Anyways, 5 yrs old, my gosh where has all the time gone? It sure does go by fast when you have kids. I guess with me it's probably because we tried for years to have another baby but it did'nt happen. We thought Emma would be our only child. When I had her I was told I would most likely never have anymore babies because my insides were a mess from having Emma. But 22 years later we found out I was pregnant. We were both in shock, but very happy. We knew right away what her name would be when we found out it was a girl. Jim has a very special Grandmother who is 96yrs old now. She is the back bone of the family, the Queen I tell Jim, lol. Her name is Evelyn Rebecca Tomlin. So, we went to her home that next saturday after finding out we were having a girl and told everyone, it was gonna be a girl and we were naming her Rebecca Evelyn Sawn. Jim's grandmother smiled from ear to ear. She was very happy. Our daughter Emma was named after my mother and Jims mother, Emma Jean. I love that name. But Ji and I can't take the credit for naming her. We were doing alot of arguing on what to name her, so my Aunt Nora said Jim what is your moms name? and he said Lois Jean. Well, she took Emma and added Jean to it and said well there ya go Emma Jean is very pretty, so that's where we got Emma's name from.

Well, hubby is working today. He usually only works 1 saturday a month, but this month he's working 3 saturdays. And he ain't complaining. He likes the overtime. Well, guess I will go now. Take care everyone and have a great weekend.