The Funnies

LIFE IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

<?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 />San Diego, California... A Highway Patrolman pulled a car over and told the driver that because he had been wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in the statewide safety competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman. "Well, I guess I'm going to get a driver's license," he answered. "Oh, don't listen to him," yelled a woman in the passenger seat. "He's a smart Aleck when he's drunk." This woke up the guy in the back seat who took one look at the cop and moaned," I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car." At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, in Spanish, "Are we over the border yet?"<?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O />

 

BE AWARE!!!!
>>
>>   I don't how many of you shop at Sam's Club or Costco, but this
>>may be
>>   useful to know. I became a victim of a clever scam while out
>>shopping.
>>
>>   This happened to me and it could happen to you!! Here's how the
>>scam
>>   works:
>>   Two seriously good-looking 23-year-old well-built guys come over
>>to your
>>   car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both are
>>   shirtless
>>   and start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with
>>their
>>   highly-defined chest muscles and rock-hard abs exposed. It's
>>impossible
>>   not
>>   to look.
>>
>>   When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and
>>instead ask
>>   you
>>   for a ride to another Sam's Club or Costco. You agree and they
>>get in the
>>   back seat. On the way, they start talking dirty about what they
>>want to
>>   do
>>   to you. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and
>>begins
>>   kissing
>>   your neck and begs you to pull over so he can make love to you!!
>>While
>>   this
>>   is going on the other guy steals your purse!!
>>
>>   I had my purse stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on
>>Thursday,again on
>>
>>   Saturday, and also yesterday and most likely tomorrow.
>>
>>   I'm running out of purses....

 

THE RIGHT AGE FOR CUSSING....

 A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom.   "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing."
      
The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues.
"When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna say "hell" and you say "ass"
 
"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast.
      
"Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor and gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room & shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for  breakfast young man?"

 

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be  Cheerios."