Tarzan and Cinderella???

One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged to have sex.  "What's that?" he asked.  She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."  Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you
how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."  Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed
to gasp,  "What the hell did you do that for?"  "Just checking for bees," said Tarzan

 

CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the
ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm."Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."  Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied. "Where have youbeen?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" " I met a prince, Fairy Godmother.  He took care of everything."  The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of
power!  Tell me his name!"  Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, ...Peter, Peter, something or other.."

A crazy friend of mine sent these to me. I thought they were worth sharing.