CANCER PART 3

I awakened not knowing where I was or what had happened. I could'nt move my arms, something was tied to my wrists holding them down. I wanted to reach for my face, to grab at what was choking me, I could'nt move, I struggled, I could'nt talk because of something being in my throat, I was gasping for air, gagging. I heard my daughter Emma's voice, Mom, it's Emma, your ok Mom, I'm here. I wanted to grab her, talk to her I could'nt. My struggling got worse, where was my air. I heard Emma yelling, What's wrong with my Mom? I could'nt answer. I blacked out I guess, cause the next thing I can remember is waking up, the gagging feeling gone, my mouth so dry it hurt, and a male nurse saying, hello Cindy, glad to see your back with us. Back? Where was I? Does he have the right patient he is talking too? In a whisper barely noticable, I said my hands. He said when I am awake fully he will remove the restraints. They were put there so I did'nt cause any damage or take things from my face that were suppose to be there. I whispered I heard my daughter, I heard alarms going off, then I remember nothing. He told me my daughter got upset and was told to leave, beings she was pregnant, and told she can come back later. He injected something into my IV line, instantly I felt naucious. I told him I was gonna be sick, before I knew it I was gagging, off came the mask and he placed a pan under my chin. I got sick and it started coming out of my nose and he pulled the long tube out of my nose with one quick pull. When I was through, he wiped my chin and mouth for me. Did, I feel better? Hell No!!!! Everytime I got an injection, I felt sick and got sick. They injected me in the stomach with a needle every 6 hours with a medicine to help prevent clotting of my blood. I stayed in ICU for 24 hours. The next day about 10:30 in the morning, I was finally assigned a room. They put me in a room where I had a room mate from hell. Here I am, just had major surgery, needed rest and they put me in a room with a woman from Africa. She had surgery down below and every hour she is yelling my gauze needs changing. Then the moaning would begin. I heard the nurse telling her, you have to go and poop, the pain will go away then. This woman was in the hospital for 5 days and had'nt pooped yet. And for the life me of I can't figure out how she can't go with all the food she was eatting. Every half hour someone was visiting her, bringing her containers of food.Some of it smelled awful and would make me vomit. Her phone rang all during the day and night, she moaned louder and louder, at one time there was 20 people in our room visiting her. Hellooooooooooo, I need to rest, get out, I felt like saying. She had horrible gas and the room smelled awful. I opened the window. I did'nt sleep in the bed, it hurt my back and butt so bad my legs would sting and go numb. I slept in the reclining hospital chair, right next to the window, air I needed air. I closed my curtain so not to see anyone who was visiting her after the first day. They would stare at me if I did'nt have the curtain closed. Around 10:pm my first night out of ICU my mouth tasted horrible, so I decided to rinse it with the mouthwash I had packed in my things. I slowly walked to the sink (on room mates side of room) that we shared carrying my mouthwash, holding the IV bottle stand and slowly walking towards the sink. I also had to carry the peepee bag that was installed in me. I was halfway to the sink and a nurse walked in. Oh no girlie she said back to your bed. I said I need to rinse my mouth it tastes horrible. She walks me back to my side of the room, I sit in chair, told her why. She goes in drawer and gets a little pan. Use this to spit mouthwash in. I got the strangest feeling she did'nt want me to look in the big mirror over top the sink. So, I did what she told me to do, she took the pan away when I was finished. I asked her for a picture of iced water. She went and got it for me and gave me another injection in stomach and my pain shot. I sat in chair all night dosing on and off, watching whatever channel I could get on that tiny television they give you to use. My husband was there with me almost every night to visit after work. He brought Rebecca one night to see me, but after that I told him not to bring her anymore. That poor baby was terrified to see me. I guess the staples in my neck scared her, or the 2 tubes coming out of my chest draining fluid into 2 separate containers catching the drainage from surgery. My husband bought me a stuffed christmas mouse from the gift shop. I sat it right on the table in front of me so I could see it always. I kept getting sick, everything I ate or drank came back up. My doctor came to see me who performed the surgery my second day in my room. I told him everytime they gave me a shot of pain medication, I was getting sick, and the only medicine that does that to me is morphine. He says, well thats what your on for pain. Change it, I'm allergic to it, it makes me sick. He changed it to percosets, 2 every 6 hours. After that the sickness was gone, thank goodness. The next morning a nurse came in the room, she says honey I am here to clean you up some. Good I said. Let me tell you she washed all of me, powdered under my boobs, rubbed my back, legs and arms with wonderful smelling lotion, dressed me in a clean nightgown I had packed, put clean socks on my feet, brushed my hair for me. She was an awesome lady. I felt so much better. She came in every morning doing just the same thing. My dinner the third night was awful. Some kind of dried out meat, crunchy macaroni and cheese, at least I think thats what it was, cooked carrots, which make me gag, I hate carrots. I did'nt eat it. Around 11pm I was so hungry. I rang the buzzer for a nurse. She came in and I told her I was starving to the point where I fel sick and dizzy. She said the kitchen is closed but she'll see what she can do. 30 minutes later she returned with a pint container of the most yummy chicken soup I ever had. I ate it all. She said she bought it for me and not to worry about it, just enjoy it and that I did. I tried to sleep that night, but everytime I fell asleep I heard my room mates phone ring, she talked loud, she moaned and moaned. But yet she ate and ate and ate that awful smelling food people were bringing her in. She had a stack of containers on her night table full of this food, bottles of juices and soda's. At idnight I was starting to hurt and rang for the nurse. She came in and I told her I was due my medication, she shook her head and walked out. I waited and waited, no nurse, no pain medication. I rang again. no one answered. At 7:30am a new nurse came in to give me an injection in my stomach. I could barely move I hurt so bad. I told her at midnight I was due pain medication, I told the nurse on duty, she shook her head and never gave me my medication, never answered when I rang the buzzer again. She quickly went and got me my 2 percosets and iced pitcher of water. Fifteen minutes later the pain was almost gone, thank god. I was in tears I was hurting so bad. My 4th day in the hospital a nurse came in and removed one of the container tubes from my chest. Let me tell you it hurt like hell, and practicly took my breath away. He did'nt remove the other one yet, he said he'd be back later to check it. Apparently it was still draining. Dan, Emma and my grand daughter came to see me that night, after Jim left. My grand daughter would not kiss me on the cheek, she held my hand and kissed my hand. She said you be ok, mommom. I wanted to cry. Dan left the room quickly for some reason. I later found out the site of the tube draining from my chest into the container was making him sick. He has a weak stomach, lol. My 5th day in the hospital, doctor removed the other tube, same pain removing it. I was so glad they were both out. Another nurse removed the IV bottle line going into my arm. I was finished with the antibiotics they were giving me to prevent infection. I was still getting the injections in my stomach. She also removed the catheder for my urine. Yeaaaaaaaa, was I glad. Ok, it was lunch time. A nice salad, ham and cheese sandwich, fruit cup and hot tea. I ate it all. Now that everything was disconnected from me, I wanted to go brush my teeth, brush my hair, and maybe go potty myself. I went potty first, then bruhed my teeth. I was afraid to look in the mirror, I did'nt want to see the incision. But I made the mistake of looking. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! What was I? A freak, a total freak!!!!!!!!!!! I was deformed, I was bruised, I looked like I had that elephant disease. The right side of my neck was so swollen it touched my upper chest. I literally broke down and cried and I mean cried. A nurse walked by and seen me and helped me to my chair. I could not stop crying. What did they do to me? No wonder people visiting my room mate were staring. I was a freak in a side show. I wanted to die right then and there. Why me, I cried, why me? I kept my curtain closed at all times. I did'nt want people staring at me, at the freak. When I walked through her side of the room to use the bathroom, I covered my face so no one could see me. My last day there in the hospital, my doctor came in briefly, said oh incision is healing nicely, handed me a couple prescriptions and said I'll see you in 10 days at my office, then walked out. I called our friend Joe, told him I was being discharged and he came to pick me up. I was never so happy to leave that place. But before I did, I reported that nurse who ignored my cries for medication to relieve the pain I was having. The 10 days went by slow. I wanted to know what was wrong with me, I wanted those staples out of my neck. I wanted to feel normal again. I could'nt taste anything, I could'nt feel anuthing in the right side of my head, neck or chest. I could'nt lift my right arm over my head. All this was due to the nerves that were cut during surgery. Come on 10 days, hurry up and go by.

 

Part 4 tomorrow.