CANCER PART 4

The day had finally arrived to go back to the specialist. My neck was still swollen and bruised, and my gosh did it itch. I was put into a room, and told the doctor would be in shortly. My daughter Emma came in with me. Let me tell you I was a nervous wreck. After all I went through, I still did'nt know what was going on in my body. A nurse came in, she was gonna take out the staples, it took about 15 minutes for her to do so. I did'nt even feel her taking them out, cause I still had no feeling in that side of my body. I still could'nt lift my arm over my head. The doctor came in shortly after the staples were removed, carrying my folder, which was now about 2 inches thinck with papers. He checked my incision and up behind my head at the tip of the incision, he found another staple, and removed it. Then he sits down in a chair, and says, Cindy, I know you've been waiting a long time for some news about what is going on with you. I said, I sure have been. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, Upon the testing of the lump, which was 4 lympnodes and 4 tumors that massed together, the technicians found nothing on the outter area, but as they went deep into this large mass they found what was called Hodgekins. I said, ok what is that? He said, it is Cancer. My daughter Emma whispered in a low voice, Oh MY God. Ok, I have cancer, now I know. My heart was racing, I did'nt know whether to scream, cry or just run out of there. He explained to me that when he was removing the lump, he had to go far up behind my ear because part of the lump had attached itself to my skull. He was sure he got all of it, but he wanted me to go  see a cancer specialist, immediately, and gave me the name and number of one he recommended. My head was spinning, I could'nt believe what I just heard. I HAD CANCER...... The ride to Emma's house from the specialists office, was a quiet one. Neither Emma or I spoke. We got into the house, and Marissa and Rebecca came running to me. I hugged those little girls not wanting to ever let go. My god, how could this be happening to me. Was I gonna die and leave my precious daughter's and grand daughter and soon to be grandchild. What would my husband do without me? How is he gonna manage raising a child alone? All sorts of questions ran through my head. Dan's mom Liz had been watching the kids. I heard Emma tell her what was going on, and I heard her saying Oh, Lord. I had'nt cried or broken down yet. I triedto stay strong for my family. If I cried it would upset them. Especially Emma, cause she was pregnant. Emma made a pot of coffee and we sat quietly and had some. I could'nt taste anything. If I ate anything I had to put italian dressing on it, just to let my sense of taste tell my brain I was eatting so I would'nt feel hungry. Emma finally said, Mom you'd better call that doctor and make an appointment. Who knows when they'll have an appointment available. I gave her the number and had her call. Three days later, I entered the doors of the Cancer Center. I filled out some paperwork, gave my insurance card to them so they could copy it for my records. I was told to be seated. About 10 minutes later I was called. The nurse walked me to a room with a bunch of desks, and machines. I was weighed and had blood work done again. Then I was placed in a small room and told the doctor would be in shortly. Five minutes later a thin man with grey hair walked in, introduced himself as Dr. James Perry. He asked me some questions, did an exam of my neck and then told me what he recommended. He wanted me to have a scan called a PET Scan. This showed everything, down to tiny particles the surgeon may of missed and could not see. He wanted the PET Scan done from my eyebrows down to my pelvic area, he had the nurse set it up. He would have the results in a few days and would call me. Two days later his office called and wanted me to come in 2 days later. I was there at 8:am on the dot. I had more blood work done, weighed again, and waited to see the doctor. He finally came in. He sat down and said, well Cindy there is some tiny particles left in the neck area, but also we found Hodgekins under your right arm and around your splene. I want to start you on chemo, which he explained I will have 24 chemo treatments. Every 2 weeks I will come there and be given approximately 8 bags of fluids, some saline flushes, the rest medication. But..........he says, my lab technicians have advised me you have poor veins. Chemo could be dangerous. I recommend a port being put inside you under your skin for an easier access to insert chemo into your veins and through your body. Ok, another same day surgery and 2 weeks later after the port was put in, which they put in my upper right arm on the most tender part, I was back at Dr. Perry's office. My arm was swollen, red and very tender. An infection was happening in the port area. No chemo treatments yet. I was given a prescription for an antibiotic. Two weeks later I was back in his office. Arm was healed finally, infection gone, chemo was now going to begin. I was taken back to the chemo room, placed in a reclining very uncomfortable chair. A nurse came over and checked my arm, sprayed it with a spray that froze the area somewhat, so the port needle could be inserted with less pain. Let me tell you that needle is the same width as the lead in a pencil. When it pierced my skin, I screamed holy hell. Thank god she got it in the port the first time. First I was given a saline flush to flush out the port, then a small bag of an antacid, then a pint sized bag of some fluid to be given while she injected 2 large vials of the chemo medication into the IV line, as she pushed those chemicals through, I felt a burning in the center of my chest down into my stomach. That was the reason for the antacid bag I was given. Then another saline bag and some more medications, then a quart sized bag. It took 5 1/2 hours for all these medications to be given to me. When the last bag was empty I was allowed to leave. Only to return again in 2 weeks for the same thing. The third day after my first chemo, treatment, I got so sick. I could'nt eat or drink anything without getting sick. A couple days before my next chemo treatment I started feeling better. Then the second treatment, I was even more sick. Each treatment was unbearable after that. I was weak, sick constantly and all I wanted to do was sleep but I could'nt. Doctor gave me sleeping pills, they helped some. After more blood work I was told my white cells were way too low, and was given a shot, man did that shot burn. I had to come in the following week for another shot of it. ^ shots later I was in horrible pain. My bones hurt to wear I was in pain laying down. More blood work and white cells were up again, but now red cells were giving a problem, so shots to fix that, then I really was in pain. I could'nt even walk without using a cane. My doctor started me on percosets, each prescription was for 100 percosets, thank god cause they helped me cope with everyday life. My daughter Emma was pregnant, a toddler of her own, and taking care of my toddler and me also. That girl is my angel. I could'nt of managed without her. My husband did all the cooking, cleaning, bathing rebecca, bathing me, helping me dress, he worked all day at his job and at night came home and worked. I felt so bad that he had to do it all. About my 10th chemo treatment the nurse could'nt get the fluid to go through, the port was clogged. They injected a medication to dissolve the clotting, did that 3 times and it finally worked. Chemo could begin. My hair started falling out after the 3rd chemo treatment,after the 6th one I had no hair, lost all my hair except for my eyelashes, no hair anywhere if ya know what I mean. Only had eyelash hair. I did'nt bother with wigs, I just wore a bandana, had a whole collection of them. Rebecca and Marissa would'nt come near me unless I had something covering my head. I completely lost all taste now, eatting food was hard, cause soon after I ate it, I lost it. I am so thankful I was able to make it to a bathroom or a trashcan with no accidents. I had to keep having those shots for my red and white blood cells. The chemo was really doing some damage to them, was it even working? Was the chemo killing me or killing the cancer? Halfway through the tratments another scan and yes, the hodgekins was slowly going away. Thank you dear god!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Part 5 later tonight.