I hate newspapers

Today I bought a newspaper for the first time in probably a year or more. I usually don't buy them due to all the violence the have in them. I should of kept to that, and not bought one today. I pour a glass of pepsi, sit down at the table and turn the page, what do I see. A story of a young man following his dream. He graduated from high school, joined the military and afterwards was going to go to college. He never finished his tour of duty, because while driving a military vehicle he lost his life due to a roadside bombing. God bless him and his family. A couple more pages turned and I come upon a story that sickened me to the point where I had tears. A women (mother of 5) is involved in a domestic depute with her boyfriend, and uses her 4week old son to hit her boyfriend. She is using this infant as a weapon on him. Swinging this baby in the air and hitting him against her boyfriend, the baby's father. This precious little baby boy is in the children's hospital in Pittsburgh, Pa in serious condition, with a fractured skull and bleeding of his brain. My god, how can someone do that to a helpless infant? Her other 4 children were removed from the home and are under the care of county services. What was in this woman's mind to make her use this poor little baby as a weapon? This woman does not deserve to be a mother, I hope she never gets the kids back, and she is put somewhere that can help her, because she definately needs mental help. I said a prayer for the baby boy as soon as I read this story. A few more pages turned and article reads, Man found shot in head. A 36 yr old man was found at 2am shot twice in the head, but still alive in West Kensington are here in Philadelphia. No suspects, No motive. And you can bet your sweet bahooty they will never solve that case. Because that area is full of crime, drugs, shootings, rapes, stabbings, robberies, and no one see's or hear's a thing. It is in fear of being burned out or shot at that keep's everyone quiet in that area. And people ask me why I don't want to get the paper delivered each morning, so I can sit with my coffee and read. Read what, all about who got killed, raped, stabbed, robbed? No thanks, I'll pass on the home delivery thank you. I would rather go on line, check the weather, my horoscope, my email and chat on im. If I wanna hear about crime, I'll turn on the news, or look out my window. Like today, I'm sitting at the table, and happen toglance out the window, there's some hoodlum looking guy walking slowly next to vehicles looking in the cars. I bet he was looking for an easy steal and will be back sometime tonight if he seen one. Maybe it's a good thing I don't have a car right now, huh? So, anyways to go and have a paper delivered to me everyday, so I can read about all this ugly hate, crime, murders, abuse, robbing, etc, etc, etc, no way!!!!!!!! I'll just continue to use the internet, thank you very much. What really get's me is the saying for my city. "Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love." Yea, right, where you seeing love? Cause where I am standing, I am not seeing it. What I am seeing in the way of love, is how hoodlums love to rob, shoot, stab, rape, and the love the drug dealer show's when he takes your money for his drugs no matter how old you are. I'll tell you what I love, I love my family, my friends, my online family/friends, Jland and life. I also love the drug dealers and hoodlums, yea right I'd love to lock them up personally and throw the key into the ocean, lol. Then we got a city official, saying I'm gonna fight to keep our city clean, to clear it of debris, to keep crime off the streets. Who's he fighting? His shadow? He needs to do alot more than shadow boxing, cause from where I stand it ain't getting any better. Unless I see his sorry butt holding a broom, driving a dump truck or putting handcuffs on someone breaking the law, he can just be quiet. All he has done since he's been in office is get his face in the newspaper or on the tv news every chance he can. And then we have one who is higher up in office over the state of Pennsylvania. He most likely shadow boxes with our city official at the same club, cause his sorry ass has'nt kept a promise either. Lie, lie, lie lie, that's all these people do to get elected. They tell you what you want to hear, but do they keep their promises? HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe it's just me. Maybe I am sick of city life. I am a country girl, born and raised. I like to walk barefoot outdoors in the grass, lay out in the sun or under a shady tree, or sit on my porch and watch the sunset. I'd like to send my child to school, and not be worried that she'll be shot, stabbed, raped or beaten up. Is that too much to ask for? Am I just wishful thinking for something that will never be? I guess only time will tell.

Ok, I've read my Dad's highlighted and underlined scriptures from his bible, over and over again. From what I can tell, he is trying to tell me, he admits to the murder, he admits he did it, he wants to tell me how sorry he is, and wants my forgiveness and god's forgiveness. He wants to go to heaven and wait for us all. I could actually hear him reading those words, hearing him say I'm sorry sweetheart, sorry for everything. He has said that to me numerous times when I talked to him about my childhood. He would come up behind me and poke me in the back in my rib cage and say boo, what are you doing? I have felt him do that twice now since his death, and smelt the scent of Old Spice cologne in my house when that happened. My dad wore that cologne. Jim does'nt, he wears Preferred Stock, totally different scent. I know he was here with me. And now since I have received his bible and read his messages, I can have some closure, knowing he confessed to me what he did, knowing he was sorry and wanted to be forgiven. But I am not the one he needs to be forgiven by. I do hope and pray that before he took his last breathe on September 4, 2005 before drowning in the Pungoteaque Creek in Virginia, that he was able to ask God to forgive him. I hope god heard him and allowed him to enter heaven, so he can find the man he murdered and tell him that he was sorry. I have done alot of thinking about this and my Dad's bible. Do I want to keep it, and have it as a memory of that awful day when he took an innocent life, and to remember that I have this bible now only because he is dead? And you know, I feel I can't keep it, it hurts too much knowing my Dad did that horrible sin of murder. It hurts knowing I can't sit here and be proud of my Dad, to mourn him in a way a child is suppose to mourn their parent when they die. It hurts me that I can't do that. I don't want a reminder that he is dead, because he killed someone and that someone killed him to keep him quiet. The police say it was accidental the way he drowned. I don't believe it, AI won't believe it, because I know what happened and why and by who. I wrote letter's to Virginia's Governor, to State Police, to Local Police, to every newspaper I could get an address for in the state of Virginia, but no one would listen. I feel it was a big cover up because the person my Dad killed for is very rich, and I mean very rich. She also carries a gun tucked under her left boob. I told the police this, they laughed. I have a copy of the 2 articles I wrote after the murder,I will post them in an upcoming entry. As for my Dad's bible, I am giving it to one of his living sisters. His sister Nora. He loved her very much.Whenever he talked of a sister, it was my Aunt Nora he was talking about. When we went to visit his sister, it was too my Aunt Nora's we went. Maybe having her brother's bible can give her some closure into losing her little brother. I know she will cherrish having something of her brother's. I really do hope God forgave him and took him into heaven, because I know my Mom is up there waiting with her cast iron skillet to wack him in the head for being so stupid down here on earth. Yes, my Mom did that once. I was 7 years old. he came home drunk, spent his whole paycheck and she clobbered him over the head with a cast iron skillet, he got I think 6 stitches from that. Good for you Mom, hit him again, he needs it!!!!!!!!!!