Life goes on.

Poems by Cindy

 

 

My new printer just arrived via UPS. I am so glad. I hate being without a printer. Jim will hook it up when he comes home from work.

 

Last night was a bad night. Went to bed at 11pm, was awakened at 1:30am by Rebecca. She couldn't sleep. Out to livingroom again we came. She fell asleep about an hour later on couch. I slept in rocking chair with feet up on computer chair for a couple hours, until I got up on other end of couch. I think I got 4 maybe 5 hours of sleep. It's after 2pm and I have done nothing but get dressed and sit here at this computer. This morning I watched 2 episodes of JAG and 2 episodes of WALKER,TEXAS RANGER. Now I am watching the movie The Poseidon Adventure (2005). I will not allow cartoons to go on this tv today. Since Rebecca seems to think keeping me up all night is ok, I will teach her otherwise. I am tired of people in this house thinking it is ok that I get crapped on by them. From now on it is my way and only my way. And if they don't like it, I don't care, it's their problem. Rebecca haas already told me 3 times already today that I am a big fat meany and she doesn't like me anymore, and I should move out so it is just daddy and her here. Too bad, she'll have to deal with me being here and being her Mom.

I guess I will go now. I am going to relax, watch the ending of this movie, and maybe I'll take something out for dinner, lol.

 

There's a link above to my poem journal. I wrote a poem today and posted it. Not sure if I want to enter it in Poetry.com yet.

 

Love to all.............CINDY

THIS IS TOO CUTE. YOU GOTTA CHECK IT OUT. LOL

 

Click here: I Do Dog Tricks

Prayer Request and an email I won't forget.

Last night I spoke to my cousin. I learned her Mom, my Aunt Nora is not looking very well. Could you please add her to your prayers? I love my aunt very much, and am worried about her. She is 75 years old and still a beautiful woman. Maybe my cousin will send me a pic of her Mom, so you can see her. She has always been beautiful. Always dressed nice, perfect nails, perfect hair and make-up, a real knock-out. She gave birth to 7 beautiful children, and still she looks great. She's had some health problems in the past and I hope and pray it is not going on again. So, if you could, send up a prayer or good thought for her please?

This was sent to me in an email from a friend Mary. I read this before, but I thought it was something I'd share again. Each time I read it, it brings tears to my eyes.

A drunk man in an Oldsmobile

They said had run the light

That caused the six-car pileup

On 109 that night.

When broken bodies lay about

"And blood was everywhere,"

"The sirens screamed out eulogies,"

For death was in the air.

"A mother, trapped inside her car,"

Was heard above the noise;

Her plaintive plea near split the air:

"Oh, God, please spare my boys!"

She fought to loose her pinned hands;

"She struggled to get free,"

But mangled metal held her fast

In grim captivity.

Her frightened eyes then focused

"On where the back seat once had been,"

But all she saw was broken glass and

Two children's seats crushed in.

Her twins were nowhere to be seen;

"She did not hear them cry, "

"And then she prayed they'd been thrown free, "

"Oh, God, don't let them die! "

Then firemen came and cut her loose, "

"But when they searched the back, "

"They found therein no little boys, "

But the seat belts were intact.

They thought the woman had gone mad

"And was traveling alone, "

"But when they turned to question her, "

They discovered she was gone.

Policemen saw her running wild

And screaming above the noise

"In beseeching supplication, "

Please help me find my boys!

They're four years old and wear blue shirts;

"Their jeans are blue to match.""

"One cop spoke up, ""They're in my car, "

And they don't have a scratch.

They said their daddy put them there

"And gave them each a cone, "

Then told them both to wait for Mom

To come and take them home.

"I've searched the area high and low, "

But I can't find their dad.

"He must have fled the scene, "

"I guess, and that is very bad."

"The mother hugged the twins and said, "

"While wiping at a tear, "

"He could not flee the scene, you see, "

"For he's been dead a year."

"The cop just looked confused and asked, "

"Now, how can that be true? "

"The boys said, ""Mommy, Daddy came "

"And left a kiss for you."" "

He told us not to worry

"And that you would be all right, "

And then he put us in this car with

"The pretty, flashing light. "

"We wanted him to stay with us, "

"Because we miss him so, "

"But Mommy, he just hugged us tight "

And said he had to go.

He said someday we'd understand

"And told us not to fuss, "

"And he said to tell you, Mommy, "

"He's watching over us."

The mother knew without a doubt

"That what they spoke was true, "

"For she recalled their dad's last words, " " I will watch over you."

The firemen's notes could not explain

"The twisted, mangled car, "

And how the three of them escaped

Without a single scar.

"But on the cop's report was scribed, "

"In print so very fine, "

An angel walked the beat tonight on Highway 109.

"The 7 Second Prayer, Just repeat this phrase and see how God moves.

"Lord, I love you and I need you, come into my heart, and bless my

family, my home, my friends, and me. Amen. "

CINDY

I AM ALONE, YEAAAAAAAA

     Good Morning!!!!! Guess what? There's no one home, yep you read it right. It's just me here. And I didn't get up out of bed until 10 this morning. I fell asleep in my rocking chair last night watching tv, after I had put Rebecca to bed. I woke up, shut off the computer, and went to bed. Got up at 3:30 to use bathroom and get a drink, when right back to bed and slept until 10am. When I got up, I went into kitchen and guess what I found? A clean kitchen. Jim did all the dishes, pots and pans, cleaned the stove, and there was a fresh pot of coffee made. I am on my second cup, and I just may have a third, lol. Ok, I am back. I got a third cup of coffee, fixed myself a sandwich, grabbed a banana and sat in kitchen and looked out the window while enjoying my food. It was so nice sitting there, in a quiet kitchen, and being able to enjoy my meal. Jim took Rebecca to the park, and then their going to the grocery store to buy icecream and cones for it and coming home.

While they are gone, after I make this entry, I will get dressed and go tackle the bedroom. Change the linens, put clean clothes away, organize Rebecca's shelves, and vacuum. I am going to put my spaghetti sauce on to cook, making meatballs and hot italian sausage to go into it.

I am sitting here typing in between commercials, watching ROSEANNE. I love this show, I get a laugh whenever I watch it. This episode is about Roseanne's daughter Becky. She was giving a report in front of the student coucil and she.........Cut the cheese, lmao. Too funny.

Tonight we will watch a series on HBO called John from Cincinnati. Tonight I think is the last episode. Jim loves this show. I like it, but tomorrow night is my favorite on HBO. I love to watch BIG LOVE. It's like my weekly night time soap opera. And then there's thursday night's. Thanks to our very own CSI informant Lisa, I now have something worthwhile to watch on that night. Well, I guess that's about it. I will go get dressed and get the bedroom cleaned, and relax for the rest of the day.

I will get my alerts caught up today. And maybe start working on one of the items I am making for 2 others here in JLand. Pam and Angie. I haven't forgotten you both. Later on I'll take a pic of the things I have started and maybe put it in an entry. I love to crochet. My aunt taught me when I was like 10yrs old, when she use to babysit us after my Mom died and my Dad had to work. My Aunt Marge was an awesome lady, she taught me how to cook, crochet, sew. I miss her. She passed away years ago. I think it's been about 20 years.

Ok, I gotta go. Hope you all have a great sunday, I am, lol.

Love to all.........................

Things from email I have saved.

I am ordering this and when I get it I'll make Rebecca's birthday cake and that wedding cake too.

www.decoratorkit.com

 

 

Message          This is beautiful.

 

 

News - Teen Says She Killed Dad in Filthy Home - AOL News      Just sad.

 

A nice quote.

"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friendship."

 

This is awesome to watch. It is almost 6 minutes long, but well worth it.

 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIJtKxdRQzY

Interesting reading.

Story - Shrinking Couple Loses 580 Pounds - AOL News

 

 

Love this one.

Grandma's Birth Control Pills


  After working most of her life Grandma finally retired. At her next
  checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines
  that had been prescribed for her.

  As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he
  realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do
  you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"

  Yes, they help me sleep at night. "

  "Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these
  that could possibly help you sleep!

  She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear,I know
  that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of
  orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks . . . and believe
  me, it helps me sleep at night. "

  You gotta love Grandmas!

This video is a friend of mine who lives in California. He made this crazy video for fun.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pR8qQ1tWpU

 

Ever wonder who that little baby was in the Titanic Movie?

 

The Daily Pulse - Scientists Finally Solve Titanic Mystery - AOL News

Hope I made you laugh. If not, sorry.

 

((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

         CINDY

No sitting on butt today

Jim got up, went in bathroom. I poured him a cup of coffee, sat it on desk, put up my rant I made this morning in journal, and when he walked in livingroom I told him sit at the desk, drink your coffee and read. Not a word out of him while he was reading. In fact it took so long I'm pretty sure he read it twice.

He looks at me, and says, Is that how it really has been for you? I looked at him and said, DUHHHHHHHHHHH, yes. He got up and gave me a big hug and kiss and said, I am sorry hun, I just didn't realize it. He said ok, I am going to help you today. He finished his coffee, got all the dirty laundry together and put it out in van. Came back upstairs and said when he gets back, he will clean the kitchen, then take Rebecca out for a couple hours to give me some "ME" time. I said that sounds great. He goes and gets in van starts it up, and a minute later I hear van shut off. He comes back upstairs and says ummmmmmm hun, you know I'm on call at work right? I say yea. He says I just got a call. I have to meet Brian at shop, and go install a bullet proof piece of glass in an armored car in Ben Salem. He said when they are done he will go to the laundry mat and do the laundry. He said if I do the dishes, he will cook dinner. That works for me. There's only a little bit of dishes in sink and 1 frying pan. Hmmmm, now what do I want for dinner, lol. Steaks cooked on grill, mashed potatoes and gravy, sauteed peppers and onions and a big salad. Yea, that's what I want. I was going to make Chicken cordon bleu, but I won't ask him to make that. I don't even think he knows how, lol.

So, it seems I'll get a little bit of help later today. A little bit is better then none right? When he comes home, I told him I am taking a nap, and if anyone wakes me up, their dead meat.

Now I have a bigger problem. I own 3 pr pants and 5 shirts. Those I wear daily. I have other clothes, skirts, dresses, dress slacks. Now brings the clothes I wear daily are in the van to be taken to laundry mat, I have to figure out what I am going to wear today, lol. I seriously need new clothes. Maybe I'll hit up the thrift store next week. It's alot cheaper to buy bigger clothes there to fit me then it is to go to a department store and pay for them. For what I'd pay for a pair of pants there I can buy 3 pr in the thrift store.

Ok, I want to clear up a couple things. I think maybe a couple people misunderstood my rant.

1. Jim has never hit me and never would. (He knows I'd get Clyde) My handy 2by4 I used on him years ago, long story there.

2. Divorce is not an option. I love my husband very much and I know he loves me. He waited on me hand and foot, worked all day and came home and cleaned and cooked and took care of Rebecca while I was dealing with cancer and recovery.

3. He takes out the trash everyday, does laundry every week, and takes Rebecca to the park for a couple hours weather permitting once a week. He goes to the store if I need something. My printer took a crap, so he bought me another one, which will be here any day now, because it was shipped yesterday.

4. He's not a romantic guy. Never has been and probably will never be. There's no daily hugs or kisses or holding of hands, which is fine. There's no sex, which is perfectly fine with me.

5. He is a hard worker. He would work double shifts at work if he was allowed too. If something is needed by Rebecca or I he will go buy it.

Well, he just called me. While at the shop getting the materials to go install the glass into the armored car, they got another call. They have to go to Burlington, New Jersey and install a windshield and fix another one that is leaking. I may end up cooking dinner myself tonight. Oh well, life goes on right? And tomorrow is another day. I don't mind it though, because it is double time and we can use the money because I have the babyshower, Rebecca's birthday and school shopping to do, so that extra money will help.

Oh well, I'm gonna go find something to wear, and get my day started. I don't think I will get that nap today. Maybe I'll go to bed early tonight instead.

Have a great weekend.

(((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

              CINDY

Saturday Rant

It is 6:23am saturday and I am up. Actually I have been up since 5:am. Rebecca woke up fussing and complaining and anything and everything. Jim got up grouchy, stomping and yelling because of it. The only way to keep peace is for me to get up and let him go back to sleep. So he is sleeping, and now so is Rebecca and I am wide awake. Sometimes it makes me so mad. They both know I am not 100% well, and it seems like it is me who always gets the crappy end of the stick, you know? I give up everything for them, and I feel I never get anything in return. I'm always tired, in pain, laying down or sleeping longer really helps me, but do they let me? No, they don't. I don't think it's done on purpose, but jeez I am one person here, can I get some kind of acknowledgement for what I do and give up for these two people? I'd like to sleep until 7 or 8am. Can I? No. I'd like to be able to sit down for more than 5 minutes without one of them wanting something, or needing helping to find one thing or another. Jim use to help me with housework on weekends, like doing the dishes or vacuuming. But lately the last few months he hasn't even done that. He'll get up at 8 or 9am have coffee, expect me to fix breakfast. He'll eat, take a shower and go back to bed for a couple hours. Rebecca will be up running and jumping around, getting into things and if I yell or smack her, Jim gets up mad because I smacked her and she screamed and woke him up. It's like I can't win for losing here. Sometimes I just want to run away. And if I tell them both that, Jim will say, Don't take the van, and Rebecca will say, If you run away then it'll be just me and daddy here, and you can't yell at us. Do I feel loved? No. Do I feel needed? Yes, but as their maid. Do you ever feel like that if you disappeared no one would even notice until they needed something? I keep everything bottled up inside me. I tried talking to Jim a couple times, but he was like, What do you want me to do about it? So, I have given up. We don't even talk anymore. We talk, but not about anything with meaning. He talks about people at work, or that he can't wait to go up to the cabin again. Well, what about me? When do I get to go anywhere? When do I get to have some time away from home and the child. I love my child dearly, but sometimes I need a break too. He gets upset if I go to the store alone and leave her home with him for an hour or two. He'll call me on cellphone, Where you at? Rebecca made a mess. It's like well clean it up. Your her father, watch her. Then I hear, I work all wekk. I want to rest on weekends. Ummmm hello, and I don't work all week? I watch Rebecca 24/7. I clean everyday, and it never looks like it, I cook, I bathe and dress her, I get her meals, snacks, drinks, take her for walks, pick up toys constantly, clean up his messes that he leaves. How hard is it to throw a napkin in the trash can and put the butter back after you make toast? He does this all the time, leaving butter out, and napkin and crumbs all over counter. And on weekends if I don't make the coffee, he'll go to wawa and buy a large cup of coffee, for himself and a donut for Rebecca. Nothing for me though. But if the coffee is done he'll go right in the kitchen and refill his cup from wawa. One time I told them both, I am not your slave. You know what these 2 ungrateful beings said? They said, It's your job, your the mom. No sympathy at all from either of them. I do and I do for them, and all they want is for me to do more. I'm tired all the time, I have no time to do anything I want to do. And when I do it's before they get  up or after they go to bed at night. Today, with 5 hours sleep, I will clean while they sit on their butts watching tv and wonder what I will be fixing for dinner. I'll get no help at all. None.

And another thing bothering me. I get an email from Jims Mom. They are not coming to babyshower. They gave me an excuse that grandmom can't handle the ride. It is a 60 minute drive, I know she can handle it. And I know she would enjoy getting out of the house. It just pisses me off. They can drive all the way to Virginia to visit Jims sister but whenever I invite them for anything they have an excuse. When Emma's son Michael, my first grandson was born and died, Jims family didn't even come to the funeral, or send flowers or a card. Their great grandson died, and it was like they didn't even care. They never even called Emma to say how sorry they were or anything. We're never invited to BBQ's at any of Jims family's homes, we're never invited to holiday dinners or birthday parties or even to a sunday dinner. They have seen Rebecca 3 times since she was born. Once when she was 2 mos old, then again when she turned 2yrs old, then earlier this year when Jim and I took the kids to their house to visit. They've seen Marissa twice, and Daniel once. Jims parents didn't even come to our wedding. For christmas we get a 100.00 check in a card. And I recently found out everyone else gets to have christmas dinner together, they get a check and presents. I don't care about the money or gifts, what bothers me is that we never see them and they never see their grandchildren unless we take them to see them. It is always on us to make that move. So, I'm done. I'm not making that move anymore. If these kids aren't important enough to get up off your butt and come to a birthday party or babyshower for them, then to hell with them all. My Rebecca tells people she has a grandma and grandpa, but doesn't see them. Is that sad or what? I say, it's their loss.

Well, I should go now. I need coffee. It's 7:30am now, Jim and Rebecca are still sleeping, must be nice to be able to sleep in.

Have a great weekend.

Love to you all......................