Friday, August 31, 2007

4 wives

This was sent to me from Nancy, my brother's fiance. I had to share it with you all. I think it has alot of truth to it.

I think everyone will get something from this...
Once upon a time there was a rich King who had four wives.
He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to the finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best.
He also loved the 3rd wife very much and was always showing her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another.
He also loved his 2nd wife. She was his confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with him. Whenever the King faced a problem, he could confide in her, and she would help him get through the difficult
The King's 1st wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom.  However, he did not love the first wife. Although she loved him deeply, hehardly took notice
of her!
One day, the King fell ill and he knew his time was short. He thought of his luxurious life and wondered, I now have four wives with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone." <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Thus, he asked the 4th wife , "I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you.  Now that I'm dying, will! You follow me and keep me company?"

"No way!", replied the 4th wife, and she walked away without another word.
Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart.
The sad King then asked the 3rd wife, "I loved you all my life.  Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"

No!", replied the 3rd wife. "Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to remarry!"
His heart sank and turned cold.
He then asked the 2nd wife, "I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" 

I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!", replied the 2nd wife.  "At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave."
Her answer struck him like a bolt of lightning, and the King was devastated.
Then a voice called out: "I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go."
The King looked up, and there was his first wife. She was very skinny as she suffered from malnutrition and neglect.  Greatly grieved, the King said, "I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!" 

In truth, we all have the 4 wives in our lives:
Our 4th wife is our body.  No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it will leave us when we die.
Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth.
When we die, it will all go to others.
Our 2nd wife is our family and friends.  No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.
And our 1st wife is our Soul.  Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.  However, our Soul is the only thing that will follow us wherever we go.
Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of us that will follow us to the throne of God and continue with us throughout Eternity.
Thought for the day:
Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect
position to pray.
Pass this on to someone you care about - I just did.
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections! 

In Memory of..........

Today marks the 10 year anniversary of Princess Diana's tragic death. I have followed the beautiful young woman's life since her engagement was announced to Prince Charles. I watched their Fairy Tale wedding, was over joyed at the birth of their 2 sons. I thought, What a beautiful family, a loving family. Never could I be more wrong. Diana was quoted saying, It was a marriage of 3, and it was crowded. I believe Diana loved her husband, but Charles on the other hand had someone else in his life that he loved far more then Diana. I will not mention this woman's name, for the fact being today is Diana's day, not her's.

Diana showed her true beauty in everything she wore, said and did. Her smile would light up a room and warm the hearts of those around her. She was involved in so many charities, organizations, where she helped bring hope to those in need.

The day her death was announced, was a sad day. The world mourned her death, and to this day they still do, I do. No more will we see the beautiful woman smile, help others and spend time with her 2 handsome son's. Today we mourn her in memory of her life. Ten years ago this Princess was taken from her son's, her family, her friends.

Diana, rest in peace. Sing with the angels and spread your wings and fly.

Gone, but never forgotten. An angel returning to heaven.

Thursday, August 30, 2007


Ok, she's registered in school. I need to make her an appt at the doctor's for a physical, and turn in the doctor's form to the school nurse by the end of September. Her teacher's name is Mrs. FitzPatrick. I was at the school for over 2 hour's. I had a talk with the head of the front office. I explained to her my fear's about putting Rebecca into that school, about any public school here in Philadelphia. I told her I am checking into private school's but there is a waiting list, and I am also thinking about homeschooling. She said I should give it some time. See if Rebecca likes going to school. I told her I know about the third grader who was caught with the gun last year. I see teens at the park across the street smoking pot and have pitbulls, this scares me that one can get lose and go after my child during recess. She then told me the school is now working under a no tollerance law. You mess up 1 time, your in school suspention for 2 days. Second time, it's 5 days suspended, third time you are expelled. Lockers are randomly searched, so are bookbags. Kindergarten kids are allowed regular bookbags, grades 1 to 8 have to have clear zipper bookbags so they can't hide anything in a regular bookbag. No big baggy pants with lots of pockets are allowed. It is school uniforms and pants have to fit properly. She said they are very strict on their dress code. Shoes are black dress shoes, and white sneakers. White cotton socks only. And uniforms are navy blue with white shirts only, for boys and girls.

Here is what Rebecca is allowed to wear.

The teacher that Rebecca will have will be calling me, for last minute details on all that Rebecca needs for class. When she calls I am going to volunteer myself for anyhelp that she needs, so I can spend lots of time at the school. At least until my nerves settle. Ever since I registered this morning my stomach has been hurting, like it's tight and tied in knots. Nerves? My daughter took a pic of me today. She said Mom, you look worn out and your eyes are so baggy. Thanks, Em, I told her, lol. So she took the pic so I could see what she was seeing.

 Yep, baggy eyes and looking very tired. I decided I am not cutting my hair short again. I'm letting it grow long. Before chemo my hair was awful. Dull, frizzy, now it's shiney and wavey. I'm keeping it, lol. It's grown alot since it felt out and Emma shaved the rest off when I was doing the chemo. One more day of running around and I can rest this weekend. Tomorrow I have to take Emma to the doctor's. She should know tomorrow when they are doing her c-section. She better know tomorrow, otherwise my dark hair is gonna turn grey and I won't be liking that at all, lol. I don't have any grey hair and I plan to keep it that way, lol.

So, I will fill out private school forms and send them back to school when I get them. And over the weekend I am going to go through all the links a few of you sent me for homeschooling. I want to thank you for those links too. Thank You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Reason being..........

I guess I should tell you the reason I can't use Emma's address. When we went to the school to register the girls, I was given a form. It was to be filled out and signed and notarized by Emma's landlord, stating I live at her address. Emma said her landlord wouldn't lie. He'd be afraid it would come back on him.

I am going this morning to register her into this horrible school. I was given very good information on homeschooling. When I get home later today, I am going to be reading about it. I didn't want to home school her. I wanted her to be in a group, make friends. But if it comes down to bad school or home school I will choose homeschool. Hopefully the Christian school says, We have an opening"!!!! That would totally make my day, week, month, year, lol.

So, after the registration thing is done, I have to go babysit my grandkids so Emma can go get a social security card with her married name on it, so she can get an ID with current adress and married name on it in order for her to register Marissa in school. Whatever happened with just needing Birth Certificate and Shot Records? Now they want a million and one things to register a child in school. UGH!!!!!!!

Gotta go. Have a great day.

Love to all.................Cindy


Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Bad Luck Schleprock..........

Have I told you lately how much I hate the city of Philadelphia. Why did I ever move out of New Jersey? So, I go to the school this morning. And guess what? Oh, kindergarten? We're all full for that grade. What??????????? Are you a registered member of our church? Well, no we're not. Oh you have to be a registered member in order to attend any grade here. No one told me this crap yesterday. So that plan, flushed down the toilet. I call back the school 2 blocks from me. I practically beg, even offer to pay for Rebecca to attend their school. Sorry we can't help you. In tears now, beat fist on table and hurt thumb, nice........GRRRRRRRRR. Call Superintendent of Education number I was given by school. We're sorry but the number you have dialed is not in service. Try it again dialing slow to make sure I had right number, we're sorry the number you have dialed is not in service. Then call Assistant Superintendents office. We're sorry but the number you have dialed has been changed to a non published number. WTH???????????????? Get out yellow pages again. Find a Baptists Christian School 20 minutes from me. K through 8 Grades. Only problem is there is 1 classroom for each grade and kindergarten is full. But if a cancellation comes up they will notify me. Their sending me the paper work, tuition fee's, etc to fill out and mail back to them. She said there can be a 2 month wait or longer to get Rebecca into class there. Home School? Can't get ahold of school officials to find out about it. So I have nother choice but to register my child in that bad school until she gets into the Baptists school. Uniforms needed, navy blue pants and white shirts. And school doesn't start for her until September 24. Stress free when she's in school, no way.......................... I'll be even more stressed. Neighbors may call police and say there's a stalker outside, but ut may be me watching school from my van.

Love to all..................Cindy

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

And the Lucky School is......................

A Private School, walking distance from me at a catholic church rectory, held by board certified nuns who are teachers. Our religion is not catholic, but I will do anything to get my daughter into a better school. It is half day kindergarten. Which is fine with me. There is no more then 20 kids in the classes and 2 teachers per class, and a helper. The helpers are volunteer moms. If asked, yes I will volunteer to help the one day a week, they ask me too. The tuition is a 10 month tuition of 2100.00, and I can make payments monthly. The first payment is a 2 month payment, which totals 420.00, each month afterwards it is 210.00 a month. We will have to tighten our purse strings and wallets to do this but I don't care, my child's safety is far more important. She will need uniforms, they are costly, but there is an exchange program where I can get used uniforms in good condition to use until I can get her new ones. I am going there tomorrow to meet with a lady named Sandy who works in the financial department at the rectory, and discuss with her in more detail about my child attending their school. I hope and I pray this works out. I showed my daughter Emma the school where I do not want Rebecca to go too. Across the street was a group of young men, smoking pot, and holding onto pitbulls with leashes. She looked around and said, Mother, there's no way in hell my little sister is going to this school!!!!! And she's right, Rebecca isn't going there. The school itself, has metal detectors and iron bars on the windows. The school looks over 100 years old, and the grounds are poorly maintained. They can shove that school where the sun don't shine. My neighbor next door has 3 kids, ages 19, 15, 10. Her oldest child went to kindergarten at that bad school, and she said it was the only year he attended there and none of her other kids went there. She put them in private catholic school. Her youngest went to kindergarten where I am going to send Rebecca and she said they are great teachers. So say a prayer, cross your fingers, send up good thoughts that tomorrow works out and I can register Rebecca in the private school.

My pasta sauce is about done, so I'd better get to putting the water on to boil the pasta. Yep, it's spaghetti night, with a nice salad to go with it. After dinner I am going to relax with a cup of herbal tea and read some journals. I am behind again. Hope you all have a good evening. I will let you know what happens tomorrow.

Love to all........................

Monday, August 27, 2007


If your up early tomorrow morning, look outdoors, you just may be able to see the LUNAR Eclispe. I'm gonna try to be up and take pictures. Am going to bed in 5 minutes, that way I get up early to see it.

Good Night.

Sat, Sun, Today

Someone was playing with my camera. I wonder who? Must of been yesterday while I was cleaning the bedroom. Lil stinker.

So let's see, saturday I didn't do much, except clean off computer desk, organize papers, books, etc. Then gave Jim 12 pork ribs, 6 burgers and 10 hotdogs to cook on grill. He calls me from downstairs on cell, Food is done you coming down here? No, bring it up here. So out of 28 pieces of meat I gave him, he brings up 4 ribs, 3 burgers and 4 hotdogs. I look and say where's the rest of it? He says downstairs. Ok fine I thought, he and Joe must be hungry. So I fix Rebecca a hotdog and give her some sliced cucumbers and sliced tomatoes, pickles. I fix myself a hamburger, and we come in livingroom. About 20 minutes later I felt hungry still and Rebecca wanted another hotdog. I get her hotdog fixed and give it to her. My cellphone is ringing, so I sit down to answer it. In my front door comes Jim, Joe, and some guy and girl I never seen before. They go into my kitchen and a few minutes later come in livingroom, with my damn food. The guy and girl turned out to be one of Jims co-workers and his girlfriend. They all sat here for a whole 10 minutes, then left. So, I go into kitchen and see if there's anything left, and found nothing. They ate everything. Even my sliced cucumbers and tomatoes. The PIGS!!!!!!!!! I was so mad, I lost my appetite. At least my child ate dinner and was full.

Sunday. I spent  hours in bedroom cleaning it, and rearranging everything. Putting clothes away, sorting out toys, shoes, dusting, changing linens. Even repaired the Princess lamp I got for Rebecca, because she and Marissa broke it in 4 pieces. With a little rewiring, tightening of screws and crazy glue, it works again. Dinner I fixed macaroni and cheese and a salad, no meat. Jim asks where's the meat. I told him you pigs ate it all last night. He shut up and ate and said nothing, lol.

Today. Take Jim to work. Come home fix Rebecca breakfast. Make the beds, check email. 9am, call school board, no answer. Call again every 5 minutes, no answer. Emma calls. Mom I need you. Get Rebecca, drive to Emma's. Emma is beat red, sweating, and in alot of pain. Ok painscale I asked from 1 to 10, she says an 8. Call your doctor. Calls doctor, is told go to hospital. Called Dan, meet us at hospital. He is in Atlantic City working. Called Jim. Taking Emma to hospital will call you when we find out anything. Dans brother Bill babysat the kids. Drive to hospital, walk Emma up to labor and delivery. I went back downstairs to register her. She was put into a bed, monitor hooked to stomach, took temperature, blood work, IV given. Dan walks in. I go sit in waiting room. And sit and sit. Little while later here comes Emma and Dan. Their releasing you? Yep, I'm not in labor. Why all the pain? Seems now Emma has an infection in her cervix. This infection caused by caffeine? She allowed no soda, no tea. Water and real fruit juice only. And given a 7 day antibiotic. Wednesday she gets an ultrasound, and friday she meets with her doctor. She will find out then hopefully what is going on and when she is having her c-section. My nerves were a wreck today. I never got to do any of my errands. And tomorrow I register Rebecca in school. I finally reached someone at the school board. Open enrollment is held once a year. This year it will be in October and it will come in effect next year in September. Ok, my health is poor, is there any special circumstance clause that would allow my child to go to the clpser school to me, rather then walk so far to other school. No there isn't but for a special fee you can have your child bused to school. No thanks, your bus drivers run stop signs, talk on cellphones and let kids hang out bus windows yelling profanity. So, she will be going to school near Emma. I wish I had the 7 grand a year it costs for private school. This school they want my child to go to, has metal detectors in doors of front of school, graffitti written all over the building, and a third grader was caught with a gun last year. Ain't no fricken way my kid is ever stepping one foot in that school.

So wednesday, have to take Emma for ultrasound. Thursday go school clothes shopping for Rebecca, and friday take Emma to doctor's. By the end of this week I am going to be worn out. I'm thinking lots and lots of sleep this coming weekend.LOL. Yea right who am I fooling. I'm always up before the dag on roosters.

Here's Rebecca yesterday in her clean bed with everything she sleeps with and around her each night.

That's about it.

Love to all........................Cindy

Friday, August 24, 2007

Wish me luck

I have spoken to Emma and to Jim on the subject of Rebecca's schooling. Emma said I can use her address if I want too. Jim says I can have the van everyday to take Rebecca to and from school, but during bad winter months where there is snow and ice on roads and knowing I am scared to death to drive in the winter, he will drop us off in the morning at Emma's and pick us up when he's done work. That way I can walk her to school and pick her up and not let her ride a schoolbus or go to that bad school. But before I register Rebecca in the school near her sister's house, I am going to see if there is a loop hole in the school systems rules. See if they can make an exception due to my health and allow Rebecca to go to the school that is just 2 blocks from me. Going to this school would make things so much easier for me. So please wish me luck, say a prayer, send good thoughts that I can get her in this school near me. If it doesn't work out that way then I'll have no other choice but to home school or send her to the school close to her sister's. I really want her to go to school, make friends, be around other kids besides Marissa and Daniel and Kaylei. She needs to be around other kids too. I think it would be good for her.

Well, the heat is back. I've got the airconditioner's on. Livingroom is on high, bedroom is on low. It gets to cold in bedroom when it's on high. Rebecca likes to kick her covers off her legs and feet during the night. And I know she gets cold. She woke up cold last night and I had to get her another blanket and turned air on low setting. She's like me not wanting her legs and feet under the covers. In cold winter months if I go to bed with socks on, I'll awaken in the morning and the socks are off, lol. Winter Rebecca doesn't like. I put her in those 1 piece sleepers with the feet in them so I know she is warm during the night. She'll argue about wearing them, but I win, lol.

There's not much else to write about. I hope your all enjoying your evening and I hope you have a great weekend.

Love you all.................CINDY


I am so mad right now. I just finally got in touch with the school less then 2 blocks from me that I was told by a few people Rebecca would go too. Well, I was told Rebecca could not go there. Their cut-off was just right across the street from me. And she would have to go to a school which is 9 blocks from me. WTF!!!!!!!!!!! And that school has a reputation for being a bad school. No Way, my kid is not going to that school. No fricken way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I refuse to send this child to a school where the kids are out of control and the teachers are afraid of their own students. I am really hating philadelphia right now and their stupid cut-off locations. So now I have some thinking to do.

1. Should I just send her to that bad school? Nope.

2. Should I use my daughter's address and let her go to my grand daughter's school? It is in a nicer area.

3. Should I start the process of homeschooling her? I did this with my daughter Emma.

Gonna have a talk with Emma and with Jim about this.

Guess how stressed I am right now? On a scale of 1 to 10, my stress level is 9999999999999999999999999999999. Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!


Thursday, August 23, 2007

Feeling Better

The blahhhhhhh's seem to of left me. Man, for 2 days I didn't know whether to scream or cry. I hate that feeling. This morning I felt alot better. Been catching up on my sleep. I have to tell you how I have been able to sleep. One day Rebecca and I were talking about dream catchers. She saked me do dream catchers catch dreams? I wasn't exactly sure, but I had an idea. I told her, well yes they catch the bad dreams so you can't see them in your dreams and wake up scared. She said, mommy maybe I should have a dream catcher to catch the bad dreams so I won't wake up at night. Hmmmmm, got me to thinking, I wonder if that would really work. So the next day I was on a hunt for something to make a dream catcher with, but instead I found one already made at our dollar store, for $1.00. Here it is:

 Well, I put it alongside Rebecca's bed hanging off her bookshelf. Each night after she says her prayers, she touches the dream catcher also and says, Bad Dreams Go Away, Good Dreams Come And Stay. I love you Dream Catcher, and she blows it a kiss. Well, this 1.00 gadget is a miracle worker. I have slept all through the night for a few nights now, without Rebecca waking me up. Jims happy cause he gets to sleep too, lol.

Today Rebecca is at her big sister's house. She's going to have dinner over there, and Emma or Dan will bring her home. But could I escape that house without kids or just one kid? Nope couldn't, lol. There's a certain lil man, who sticks to his Mommom like glue, packed his own diaper bag and said come on mommom lets go, lol. In the diaper bag was a cup, bottle of water, toys and 1 diaper. Emma repacked it, lol. So Daniel and I went to Kmart. Got Rebecca a really nice Disney Princess bookbag for school. 19.99 but 50% off, so I paid 10.00 for it. Also got  her scissors, glue, crayons, pencils, ruler, folder for homework, pencil box.

Then Daniel and I went to the grocery store for dinner. We're having salisbury steaks with gravy, macaronni and cheese, salad and garlic bread. All Daniel's favorites. And of course while at the grocery store we had to get his favorite snack. Cheese doodles and apple juice. This kid loves them. He calls them cheesy poofs, lol. Here's my lil man enjoying a snack.

 See the little cars? Yep, got them at Kmart today, 50 cents each for matchbox cars. Daniel loves them. Daniel got a present from mommy and daddy last night. It's time the PT aka potty training starts. So, they wanted to find him something he wouldn't be afraid of using. So they found this potty that looks like a toilet, has a handle and it talks when you go potty in it. Daniel loves it. He hasn't gone in it yet, but he likes sitting on it.

 Isn't it cute? It also came with 2 other things. An award certificate that he'll get after he completes potty training, and a chart with stickers for each day he uses potty, a sticker will be put on.

 I think he will do well with using the potty once he is use to it. Well, I have pics of a bathtub for the new baby, but I am putting them in prego journal. Man I would love a tub for myself like the one Emma was given for the baby, lol. I'd better go. Hope everyone is doing well. Are you ready for the heat again, it's coming. My air is on right now. 82 and humid outside. Tomorrow, 90's.

Love to you all..............................CINDY

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Feeling Blahhhhhhhh

  Good Morning all. I hope everyone is doing ok. It's day 4 here of the rain. Cold, wet, windy. Tomorrow they say the humidity is going back up along with the 90's temps. I'm slowly recovering from the busy life I've lead the past few weeks. I have been able to catch up on much needed sleep finally. Catching 7 to 8 hours a night. I've been getting my housework done little by little. Jim came home from work last night, and I had the clothes all ready for him. He went to the laundry mat and washed and dried them. I wish I was able to do it, but the heat from those dryers really takes it toll on me. I feel as though my throat is closing and I can't breathe and want to pass out when I get near the dryers. Jim has witnessed this, so he won't let me go anymore. Yesterday I was able to clean my livingroom, and kitchen and hall. And guess what? It needs cleaning again, lol. Last night when Jim and Rebecca were asleep, and I signed off the computer, I sat and folded all the clothes Jim washed earlier. There sitting on the couch right now in piles waiting for me to put them away. I will soon.

That lost feeling I said I had a couple days ago? I still have it. It's hard to explain. But it's like I feel there's something I am missing or have to do and don't know what it is, or how to get there. Does that make sense? It's like I am lost someplace and can't find my way back or out. I don't know, maybe it's the weather or my busy days that have caught up to me. Oh well, Life goes on right?

This morning I awakened and when I went into the bathroom I happen to glance in the mirror and did not like what I saw. My eyes looked sunk in and had very dark circles around them. Raccoon eyes I call them. Gross, yuck!!!!!!!! Hair was all wild, I looked like a genuine ZOMBIE, lol. It isn't halloween either, lol.

Well, I guess today I will be cleaning some more. Bathroom floor needs a mopping and the cabinet mirror needs cleaning. I need to change the linens on the beds. Then figure out what I am making for dinner. I'm thinking a homemade beef potpie casserole type thingy, lol. Something that takes 1 dish to cook it in, lol. Less dishes I have to do the better. Man, I need a dishwasher.

I think I am going to change the curtain on the front door also. It has an ugly white curtain on it right now. Been there since I moved in here 4 years ago. I have a pretty marroon lace curtain I will hang up. Plus I want to clean the inside and outside of the glass in the door.

Well, I guess there's not much more to write about. I hope you all have a great day.

Love you all..........................

Monday, August 20, 2007

A Thank you and more.........

  Now that the babyshower is over, I'm feeling kind of lost. I have been sitting here for over 2 hours trying to make an entry and just couldn't. It's been raining here in Philadelphia for 2 days, and they say it's going to continue for at least another 24 hours. Jim and Rebecca are asleep for the night. It's 68 degree's in my apartment, and I love it. I won't need the airconditioner tonight, but I do need my fan. I cannot sleep unless cool air is blowing in my face and I hear the hum of the fan, it's my loliby, lol.

I was sitting here and it dawned on me, I have 24 days to plan Rebecca's birthday party. My baby is going to be 6 years old. Where has all the time gone? Another year older and going to school this year? Time just goes by too fast. Rebecca wants a princess party. A princess costume to wear, a cake that looks like a castle, balloons, streamers, and a pinata. I know I spelled that wrong, lol. And she asked for Pin the tail on the donkey game, lol. On Rebecca's birthday, my other daughter will most likely be in hospital having her babygirl. So, Emma asked me to plan the party after she gets home with the baby. That I can do, because I want Rebecca's big sister to be there. Why do I feel so old tonight, lol.

Yesterday my great niece Kaylei gave me a big hug and told me I looked lovely. My eyes filled with tears and I gave her a hug and kiss and thanked her so much for making me feel so good with that compliment. She is just the sweetest lil girl, and I love her so much. Remember the baby I wrote about (my great nephew Eden) who was born addicted to heroine? He is home now and doing great. Kaylei gets to see him once in a while. The last time was on July 14th. Here is a pic of Kaylei and Eden taken then. They are so cute together.

 Eden has gotten so big from the last picture I seen of him. I have not seen him in person yet. My nephew and his girlfriend seem to think they are too good for the family. But yet when they need money who do they call? Me, or my daughter Emma. Kaylei's Mom Katie wants to go to virginia to visit my sister Lucy so she can see her granddaughter Kaylei. I told her if she goes, I would like to go also. We'll share expenses on the trip. I'll take Rebecca with me and my camera, lol. It'll be nice to see my sister, nieces and nephews and all their children, who I have not seen. I want to go visit my niece Sandy's son Christopher also. Remember she is my niece who died 12 days after giving birth to her son Christopher.

I am watching the news right now and Hurricane Dean has now been classed as a category 5 hurricane. That is not good at all. This storm has claimed 12 lives already. They say it is heading to mexico, but could turn into texas. I pray it does not take anymore lives.

Well, I am tired. I am going to take my tired body to bed now. Lay my head on my pillows, turn on my fan and go off to dreamland. I'll need a good nights sleep for tomorrow. I have let my housework go and now I am surrounded in filth, I also have to get ahold of board of education because this school isn't done being rebuilt yet and I don't know when their doing school registration or where.

Good night, sweet dreams and hope tomorrow is a good one for you all.

Love to all..............Cindy

I would like to send out a great big thank you to Kath of  for this lovely award she emailed me. I absolutely love it, thank you so much.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

The BabyShower Pictures

Even though it rained all day and is still raining now, Emma's day turned out really nice. And guess what? Dan's Mom even came. There was 18 of us there. I made enough food for an army and there was so much left, I was making plates for all to take home, lol. And Emma and I don't have to cook dinner tomorow because we got left overs, lol. Emma got so many beautiful things for her new baby when she arrives next month. And of course the hat made with all the bows was a big success. We had Emma, Dan, Grandma Mazzoli, Rebecca, Marissa and even Dans brother Bill to wear the hat, lol. Dan says to me, Please Mom don't plaster that pic of me with the hat all over the internet. I told him I would never do that, I was just going to put it in my journal, on the internet, lol. Of course the next union meeting he attends with Joe, there will be a pic of Dan wearing that girlie hat being passed around, lol.

Emma got diapers, bibs, wipes, outfits, sleepers, sleeper gowns, onesies, bibs, hats, booties, hooded towels, washclothes, receiving blankets, bottle warmer, bottles, diaper bag, changing pad, parents survival kit which has medicines of all kinds in it, and cards with money.

It rained so to be able to cook on the grill, Joe, Jim and Bill put up beach umbrellas and a big blue tarp. That rain wasn't stopping food being cooked on grill, lol. Of course the kids loved it. They said it was a giant tent and went outside to play while the guys were outside cooking.

Everyone had a great time, enjoyed all the food and company, and had lots of laughs. It went well I think. And I have to tell you this, it is so funny. Marissa, Rebecca and my great-niece Kaylei had a party of their own downstairs in Marissa's room. They took their applejuice boxes, chips, pretzels and streamer rolls of pink and white down to Marissa's room. They were going to decorate the room but needed tape. Well, Marissa goes into the bathroom gets a box of panty liners of Emmas and they use these panty liners to stick up the streamers. I should of gotten a picture of it but I didn't. It was so funny. And the girls thought they did a beautiful job at decorating too. There was panty liners and streamers stuck everywhere. Those girls are too much, lol.

Well guess that's about it. I'm tired. I have 127 alerts to read, but I won't get to all of them tonight. I'll save them for tomorrow. Hope everyone had a great weekend.

Love to you all.....................CINDY

The Big Day Is Here.

Just wanted to drop by and leave a quick note. I slept great last night. I went to bed at 10pm, woke up at 5:45am, checked emails, went back to bed and didn't get up til 10:15am. The tiredness isn't there much, but oh the pains are. I feel as though I have been run over a dozen times. Hot shower felt great, and am hoping the Tylenol Arthritis kicks in soon. Rebecca and I are dressed and ready. Jim will be dropping us off over to Emma's early before everyone arrives. I have decorations and set up to do, light grill and get meats cooking. I have just cleaned out my camera and have 358 pics I can take today. I have fresh batteries in camera and am bringing another set of batteries for back up. Weather has said we may get rain, man I hope not. Anyways take care all, have a wonderful sunday. I'll try to get pics posted tonight, if I'm not drained. Set some time aside their should be alot of pics.



Love to you all.....................CINDY

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Pasta salad

I decided to post it here instead of recipe journal.

So here goes.

 Today I used


3 bags multi-colored cheese tortellini (Cooked according to directions, drained and cooled.

1/2 cup diced celery    1/2 cup diced red pepper

1/4 cup diced green olives,  1/4 cup diced black olives

1/4 cup diced red onion    1/4 cup shredded carrots

1/2 cup balsamic vinegar    1 cup vegetable oil

1 tablespoon minced garlic   1/2 teaspoon oregano

1/2 teaspoon basil

Mix together and chill 1 hour.  Mix again and serve.

I need sleep and a whole bunch of pain killers too, lol.

Home finally. I started cooking at 8:30am and did not finish until 7:45pm. I am totally drained. Every muscle, bone and joint in my body hurts so bad I can barely move. My ankles are swollen so bad they feel like the skin is going to rip open, even my ribs hurt. I will not be up much longer tonight. I think I may get a good nights sleep tonight. Rebecca played outside all day over Emmas with Marissa. She is tired and falling asleep on the couch, lol. Spoke too soon, I just looked over at her and she is asleep, lol.

Ok, I am back. We put her to bed and tucked her in. Hopefully she sleeps through the night. I really need a good nights sleep. Well, I took pictures of everything I made today. Took a picture of the cake I bought. I couldn't find a baby theme cake, but I think the one I chose will do. My son in law Dan came home from work and just about drooled over the aroma's and food. I warned him to stay out of it, lol.

Ok you ready for some pics now. I'm sorry if it makes you hungry, lol. I really am.

 fruit salad

 made 2 of these, potato salad

 2 pans deviled eggs

 homemade baked beans, thats dans fork stealing a taste, lol.

 Pasta salad

 salad veggies

 The cake.

Well there ya go. Thats why I am so tired. That and being up since 4am. It's 9pm right now. I will be in bed by 10pm. I need to unwind first. I haven't even eatten dinner yet. I am too tired to even chew. I will go now, just in case aol decides to eat this entry, lol. Hope you all have a nice evening.

Love to all.........................Cindy

Up Again

Yes, it's early morning and I am up again. Rebecca woke up with a case of upset tummy and needing to use bathroom, so here I am awake. She is asleep again on couch. I don't know if I want to go back to bed or not. I guess I'm not the only one awake, because as I type this alerts are popping up.

Jim has to work today. So I'll be going to Emma's early. He'll drop Rebecca and I off at 8am. And the preparing and cooking will begin. I know by tonight I will be totally exhausted, and it will be even worse tomorrow. But after tomorrow I can rest.

Ok, remember last year when Jims position at his last job was terminated and we went through the rough time of not having money or knowing if there was gonna be a christmas? Guess what? That company opened a new shop, and wants Jim to come back to work for them. Can you believe it? I asked Jim what he thinks about it. He said they can scratch their ass and get over it, cause theres no way he'd ever go back to work for them. Besides, it was 16.00 an hour, 45 minute drive and no overtime. This job he has now, is 2 blocks away, 18.00 an hour and lots of overtime. And Jim was just told he's getting a brand new work van. The boss bought Jim a 300.00 electric cutout knife to remove windshields with, and said any other tool he needs let him know. Jim told him winter is coming, a heated Eyurothain gun would be nice. So it's on order, lol. Jims going out on the bosses boat in a couple weeks. His boss is a fisherman and so is Jim, so he asked Jim if he wanted to go fishing, of course Jim said yes. With all these plus's why would he want to go back to work for that other company? I admit the insurance was great, but it's just not worth the aggrivation and headaches that come with the job.

Well, I think I am going to go take a shower, and get the things ready to take to Emma's and maybe play some pogo until it's time to leave. Have a great day today. I will try and post pics of food today if I am not too tired.

Love to you all................


Friday, August 17, 2007














LOVE YOU ALL.....................CINDY

Riding Lawnmower

Hard to please

Soon after my girlfriend and I met, she mentioned how she really wished that she could afford a riding lawnmower. She was a single gal that worked all day and was often tired in the evening when she got home from work.

So, being the handy sort of guy that I was,
I made her a riding lawnmower.
I guess I thought she would squeal with delight
and give me a big hug.
To this day I have never been able to understand
why women are so hard to please.

Pics coming later today. I have to babysit this morning while Emma goes to ob/gyn. Her lowlife BIL seems to think a free concert is worth more to him then babysitting the kids so she can go to doctors. According to Dan this ain't gonna happen, he's laying down the law tonight.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

And it starts.........

Yep, it does. Today starts the fun of going out and buying the food and decorations, gifts for the babyshower. I have my list all written out and ready to go. In an hour I will drop Rebecca off to her sister Emma's house, and I will take Daniel with me. He is such a good boy when he goes shopping with his mommom. I enjoy having him go with me. Besides I can seatbelt him into the cart and he can't run around like the girls try to do, lol. I know by the end of the day I will be totally wiped out. The past 2 nights Rebecca has gotten up 4 times, twice each night. Tuesday it was 1:30am and again at 4:30am. Last night it was 11:30pm and 1:30am. And of course it is me who gets up with her each time. I don't expect Jim too, because he has to get up at 6am to get ready for work. If he were younger I'd ask him for help, but he is 52 yrs old and works his butt off to provide for us. Last week he worked 58 hours, so far this week (not including today) he has worked 34 hours. All these emergency calls coming at 7 and 8pm and he has to go out and do the autoglass cause he's been on call. And not getting home until after 10pm from them. He's worn out, which is why I let him sleep and I get up.

So, today I buy food, decorations and gifts, tomorrow I go and do set up of food (organization) Saturday go to Emma's and make the potato salad, deviled eggs, pasta salad, fruit salad, and a tossed salad, then on sunday it is decorate the back yard, go pick up the balloons and cook the burgers, hotdogs and chicken and set all the food out. And the party will begin, lol. And I have to remember to delete camera card, and put in fresh batteries, because I am taking lots and lots of pictures.

Received a package in the mail from Jims parents for Emma's babyshower. They sent her a dress size 6 to 9 mos and a sweatsuit outfit, 18mos. Maybe next year she'll fit in them, lol. It's the thought that counts though right? Dan's ex SIL gave Emma a bunch of clothes from her granddaughter who has grown out of them. There must be 50 pairs of little shoes. I never knew they made that many baby shoes in those styles, lol. I'll have to take a picture of them all and show you. My favorites are lil pink ballerina shoes, they are so cute. There's even a lil tutu that goes with the shoes.

Well, I guess I'd better get ready and get things together and leave. I have a busy day for sure. I also have to go to the postoffice. Busy, busy, busy, lol.

Oh, weather is suppose to be rain and storms today starting around noon. Nice.  Daniel and I will be out in it too. Take care all and enjoy your day.

Love you all lots........................CINDY

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Good Morning

Good Morning. I hope everyone had a good night's sleep last night. I am happy to say I had a full 9 hours of sleep. Wow, did I feel refreshed when I woke up. Rebecca did get up during the night, but she didn't wake us up. She said she came out into the livingroom with her duckie blanket and sat on couch for a while. Then she went to bed and covered up with just her sheet. When I got up at 7 this morning her blanket was on couch.

I drove Jim into work this morning. It's really nice outside. Cool, sunny and a gentle breeze. But it will be getting warmer today and back up to 90 tomorrow. I see signs that fall is coming. Alot of the flowers are dieing and leaves are turning brown. These tree's here in philadelphia have leaves that are just 2 colors. Either green or brown. No reds, oranges or yellow's at all.

I came home and checked the lottery. Jim plays Rebecca's birthday every week all week. He buys 1 ticket that is good for 7 days. He'll play 0913 every week. Well it came out 0319. He hit it boxed, so he won $100.00. I called his cell and told him. Made his morning, lol. This is the third time he's won on that number. Now he can go buy the ink cartridges for my new printer. It came with a temporary one, and the color is not good. There's no black so pictures look as though their tinted in green.

Today I am going to the Dollar store. I want to look for fall candle stick garnishes. And I have to pick up the pink and white paper plates, napkins and cups for the babyshower sunday. I am really upset with Dan's Mom. This is her granddaughter also that is coming next month and she has gone back on her deal with me. We were both suppose to put in 200.00 each towards this shower. She gave me 100.00 and that barely covered the invitations and postage for the invitations. Now I find out she is broke and is not going to help with the other 100.00. I guess she is broke. She goes to bingo everynight just about spending almost 200.00 per night, plus the cost of whatever she eats there. Oh and get this. She can't make it to the babyshower because she wants to go to bingo sunday with a small group of ladies. Dan says his Mom will never change. He remembers so many times as a kid that his mom gambled away her husbands paycheck at bingo and their electric would be turned off, and she'd go away for days at a time leaving only a pot of boiled potato's on the stove for the 10 boys she gave birth to, to eat while she was gone. Her husband was a truck driver and his check was direct deposited each week. Her husband left her over this. He did take care of his kids though.

So, it is up to me now to pay for all the food, decorations, cake and buy gifts for the baby also. I'll do it, even if I go broke. My daughter and son in law and my new grand daughter who will be here in a few weeks are far more important to me then the money I will spend. My family comes first, always.

I am going to Emmas after I go to Dollar store. And I hope and pray Dan's brother Bill is there. Cause that jerk is going to get a piece of my mind and attitude. Emma told him his mom is suppose to be helping me with this babyshower. Do you know what he had the nerve to say? Well, she gave your mom a 100 bucks, how much f---ing more money does she need? So, his ass will be hearing my roar today. This coming from a man who has been living with Emma and Dan for free. Mooching off them for month's. Is told daily to get a job or move out. I'd of thrown him out long ago, and I just might do so today if he pisses me off. He's living there paying nothing, eatting food bought for my daughter and grandkids and son in law. A few weeks ago, I go over there with a bottle of diet pepsi. He says from now on bring real pepsi, so we can have some. I looked him straight in the eyes and told him, Maybe if you got up off your ass and got a job you could buy your own pepsi. He went downstairs to his room, lol. Truth hurt I guess. He don't wanna get on my bad side. I'll attack first and ask questions later. Grrrrrrr, now I am mad. I hope he's there today,  <evil grin here>.

Well, so now Jim's family isn't coming to the shower, Dan's mother isn't coming. A few of Dan's brother's aren't coming. No one else has RSVP the invitation. But the shower will go on. I will do my very best to make it special for Emma. And I will buy and cook all the food also. Jim said there is no bills next week, so I can use his paycheck this week for the babyshower.

Well, I'd better go now. I want to get an early start and come home early today from Emma's. I have a little bit of cleaning to do. Don't feel like doing it now, lol. I am behind in alerts, but am trying to get caught up on them. If I haven't paid you a visit in the past few days I will soon. Hope you all have a great day.

Love ya,


Monday, August 13, 2007

Life goes on.

My new printer just arrived via UPS. I am so glad. I hate being without a printer. Jim will hook it up when he comes home from work.
Last night was a bad night. Went to bed at 11pm, was awakened at 1:30am by Rebecca. She couldn't sleep. Out to livingroom again we came. She fell asleep about an hour later on couch. I slept in rocking chair with feet up on computer chair for a couple hours, until I got up on other end of couch. I think I got 4 maybe 5 hours of sleep. It's after 2pm and I have done nothing but get dressed and sit here at this computer. This morning I watched 2 episodes of JAG and 2 episodes of WALKER,TEXAS RANGER. Now I am watching the movie The Poseidon Adventure (2005). I will not allow cartoons to go on this tv today. Since Rebecca seems to think keeping me up all night is ok, I will teach her otherwise. I am tired of people in this house thinking it is ok that I get crapped on by them. From now on it is my way and only my way. And if they don't like it, I don't care, it's their problem. Rebecca haas already told me 3 times already today that I am a big fat meany and she doesn't like me anymore, and I should move out so it is just daddy and her here. Too bad, she'll have to deal with me being here and being her Mom.
I guess I will go now. I am going to relax, watch the ending of this movie, and maybe I'll take something out for dinner, lol.
There's a link above to my poem journal. I wrote a poem today and posted it. Not sure if I want to enter it in yet.
Love to all.............CINDY



Prayer Request and an email I won't forget.

Last night I spoke to my cousin. I learned her Mom, my Aunt Nora is not looking very well. Could you please add her to your prayers? I love my aunt very much, and am worried about her. She is 75 years old and still a beautiful woman. Maybe my cousin will send me a pic of her Mom, so you can see her. She has always been beautiful. Always dressed nice, perfect nails, perfect hair and make-up, a real knock-out. She gave birth to 7 beautiful children, and still she looks great. She's had some health problems in the past and I hope and pray it is not going on again. So, if you could, send up a prayer or good thought for her please?

This was sent to me in an email from a friend Mary. I read this before, but I thought it was something I'd share again. Each time I read it, it brings tears to my eyes.

A drunk man in an Oldsmobile

They said had run the light

That caused the six-car pileup

On 109 that night.

When broken bodies lay about

"And blood was everywhere,"

"The sirens screamed out eulogies,"

For death was in the air.

"A mother, trapped inside her car,"

Was heard above the noise;

Her plaintive plea near split the air:

"Oh, God, please spare my boys!"

She fought to loose her pinned hands;

"She struggled to get free,"

But mangled metal held her fast

In grim captivity.

Her frightened eyes then focused

"On where the back seat once had been,"

But all she saw was broken glass and

Two children's seats crushed in.

Her twins were nowhere to be seen;

"She did not hear them cry, "

"And then she prayed they'd been thrown free, "

"Oh, God, don't let them die! "

Then firemen came and cut her loose, "

"But when they searched the back, "

"They found therein no little boys, "

But the seat belts were intact.

They thought the woman had gone mad

"And was traveling alone, "

"But when they turned to question her, "

They discovered she was gone.

Policemen saw her running wild

And screaming above the noise

"In beseeching supplication, "

Please help me find my boys!

They're four years old and wear blue shirts;

"Their jeans are blue to match.""

"One cop spoke up, ""They're in my car, "

And they don't have a scratch.

They said their daddy put them there

"And gave them each a cone, "

Then told them both to wait for Mom

To come and take them home.

"I've searched the area high and low, "

But I can't find their dad.

"He must have fled the scene, "

"I guess, and that is very bad."

"The mother hugged the twins and said, "

"While wiping at a tear, "

"He could not flee the scene, you see, "

"For he's been dead a year."

"The cop just looked confused and asked, "

"Now, how can that be true? "

"The boys said, ""Mommy, Daddy came "

"And left a kiss for you."" "

He told us not to worry

"And that you would be all right, "

And then he put us in this car with

"The pretty, flashing light. "

"We wanted him to stay with us, "

"Because we miss him so, "

"But Mommy, he just hugged us tight "

And said he had to go.

He said someday we'd understand

"And told us not to fuss, "

"And he said to tell you, Mommy, "

"He's watching over us."

The mother knew without a doubt

"That what they spoke was true, "

"For she recalled their dad's last words, " " I will watch over you."

The firemen's notes could not explain

"The twisted, mangled car, "

And how the three of them escaped

Without a single scar.

"But on the cop's report was scribed, "

"In print so very fine, "

An angel walked the beat tonight on Highway 109.

"The 7 Second Prayer, Just repeat this phrase and see how God moves.

"Lord, I love you and I need you, come into my heart, and bless my

family, my home, my friends, and me. Amen. "


Sunday, August 12, 2007


     Good Morning!!!!! Guess what? There's no one home, yep you read it right. It's just me here. And I didn't get up out of bed until 10 this morning. I fell asleep in my rocking chair last night watching tv, after I had put Rebecca to bed. I woke up, shut off the computer, and went to bed. Got up at 3:30 to use bathroom and get a drink, when right back to bed and slept until 10am. When I got up, I went into kitchen and guess what I found? A clean kitchen. Jim did all the dishes, pots and pans, cleaned the stove, and there was a fresh pot of coffee made. I am on my second cup, and I just may have a third, lol. Ok, I am back. I got a third cup of coffee, fixed myself a sandwich, grabbed a banana and sat in kitchen and looked out the window while enjoying my food. It was so nice sitting there, in a quiet kitchen, and being able to enjoy my meal. Jim took Rebecca to the park, and then their going to the grocery store to buy icecream and cones for it and coming home.

While they are gone, after I make this entry, I will get dressed and go tackle the bedroom. Change the linens, put clean clothes away, organize Rebecca's shelves, and vacuum. I am going to put my spaghetti sauce on to cook, making meatballs and hot italian sausage to go into it.

I am sitting here typing in between commercials, watching ROSEANNE. I love this show, I get a laugh whenever I watch it. This episode is about Roseanne's daughter Becky. She was giving a report in front of the student coucil and she.........Cut the cheese, lmao. Too funny.

Tonight we will watch a series on HBO called John from Cincinnati. Tonight I think is the last episode. Jim loves this show. I like it, but tomorrow night is my favorite on HBO. I love to watch BIG LOVE. It's like my weekly night time soap opera. And then there's thursday night's. Thanks to our very own CSI informant Lisa, I now have something worthwhile to watch on that night. Well, I guess that's about it. I will go get dressed and get the bedroom cleaned, and relax for the rest of the day.

I will get my alerts caught up today. And maybe start working on one of the items I am making for 2 others here in JLand. Pam and Angie. I haven't forgotten you both. Later on I'll take a pic of the things I have started and maybe put it in an entry. I love to crochet. My aunt taught me when I was like 10yrs old, when she use to babysit us after my Mom died and my Dad had to work. My Aunt Marge was an awesome lady, she taught me how to cook, crochet, sew. I miss her. She passed away years ago. I think it's been about 20 years.

Ok, I gotta go. Hope you all have a great sunday, I am, lol.

Love to all.........................

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Things from email I have saved.

I am ordering this and when I get it I'll make Rebecca's birthday cake and that wedding cake too.

Message          This is beautiful.
A nice quote.
"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friendship."
This is awesome to watch. It is almost 6 minutes long, but well worth it.
Interesting reading.
Love this one.
Grandma's Birth Control Pills

  After working most of her life Grandma finally retired. At her next
  checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines
  that had been prescribed for her.

  As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he
  realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do
  you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"

  Yes, they help me sleep at night. "

  "Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these
  that could possibly help you sleep!

  She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear,I know
  that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of
  orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks . . . and believe
  me, it helps me sleep at night. "

  You gotta love Grandmas!

This video is a friend of mine who lives in California. He made this crazy video for fun.
Ever wonder who that little baby was in the Titanic Movie?
Hope I made you laugh. If not, sorry.

No sitting on butt today

Jim got up, went in bathroom. I poured him a cup of coffee, sat it on desk, put up my rant I made this morning in journal, and when he walked in livingroom I told him sit at the desk, drink your coffee and read. Not a word out of him while he was reading. In fact it took so long I'm pretty sure he read it twice.

He looks at me, and says, Is that how it really has been for you? I looked at him and said, DUHHHHHHHHHHH, yes. He got up and gave me a big hug and kiss and said, I am sorry hun, I just didn't realize it. He said ok, I am going to help you today. He finished his coffee, got all the dirty laundry together and put it out in van. Came back upstairs and said when he gets back, he will clean the kitchen, then take Rebecca out for a couple hours to give me some "ME" time. I said that sounds great. He goes and gets in van starts it up, and a minute later I hear van shut off. He comes back upstairs and says ummmmmmm hun, you know I'm on call at work right? I say yea. He says I just got a call. I have to meet Brian at shop, and go install a bullet proof piece of glass in an armored car in Ben Salem. He said when they are done he will go to the laundry mat and do the laundry. He said if I do the dishes, he will cook dinner. That works for me. There's only a little bit of dishes in sink and 1 frying pan. Hmmmm, now what do I want for dinner, lol. Steaks cooked on grill, mashed potatoes and gravy, sauteed peppers and onions and a big salad. Yea, that's what I want. I was going to make Chicken cordon bleu, but I won't ask him to make that. I don't even think he knows how, lol.

So, it seems I'll get a little bit of help later today. A little bit is better then none right? When he comes home, I told him I am taking a nap, and if anyone wakes me up, their dead meat.

Now I have a bigger problem. I own 3 pr pants and 5 shirts. Those I wear daily. I have other clothes, skirts, dresses, dress slacks. Now brings the clothes I wear daily are in the van to be taken to laundry mat, I have to figure out what I am going to wear today, lol. I seriously need new clothes. Maybe I'll hit up the thrift store next week. It's alot cheaper to buy bigger clothes there to fit me then it is to go to a department store and pay for them. For what I'd pay for a pair of pants there I can buy 3 pr in the thrift store.

Ok, I want to clear up a couple things. I think maybe a couple people misunderstood my rant.

1. Jim has never hit me and never would. (He knows I'd get Clyde) My handy 2by4 I used on him years ago, long story there.

2. Divorce is not an option. I love my husband very much and I know he loves me. He waited on me hand and foot, worked all day and came home and cleaned and cooked and took care of Rebecca while I was dealing with cancer and recovery.

3. He takes out the trash everyday, does laundry every week, and takes Rebecca to the park for a couple hours weather permitting once a week. He goes to the store if I need something. My printer took a crap, so he bought me another one, which will be here any day now, because it was shipped yesterday.

4. He's not a romantic guy. Never has been and probably will never be. There's no daily hugs or kisses or holding of hands, which is fine. There's no sex, which is perfectly fine with me.

5. He is a hard worker. He would work double shifts at work if he was allowed too. If something is needed by Rebecca or I he will go buy it.

Well, he just called me. While at the shop getting the materials to go install the glass into the armored car, they got another call. They have to go to Burlington, New Jersey and install a windshield and fix another one that is leaking. I may end up cooking dinner myself tonight. Oh well, life goes on right? And tomorrow is another day. I don't mind it though, because it is double time and we can use the money because I have the babyshower, Rebecca's birthday and school shopping to do, so that extra money will help.

Oh well, I'm gonna go find something to wear, and get my day started. I don't think I will get that nap today. Maybe I'll go to bed early tonight instead.

Have a great weekend.



Saturday Rant

It is 6:23am saturday and I am up. Actually I have been up since 5:am. Rebecca woke up fussing and complaining and anything and everything. Jim got up grouchy, stomping and yelling because of it. The only way to keep peace is for me to get up and let him go back to sleep. So he is sleeping, and now so is Rebecca and I am wide awake. Sometimes it makes me so mad. They both know I am not 100% well, and it seems like it is me who always gets the crappy end of the stick, you know? I give up everything for them, and I feel I never get anything in return. I'm always tired, in pain, laying down or sleeping longer really helps me, but do they let me? No, they don't. I don't think it's done on purpose, but jeez I am one person here, can I get some kind of acknowledgement for what I do and give up for these two people? I'd like to sleep until 7 or 8am. Can I? No. I'd like to be able to sit down for more than 5 minutes without one of them wanting something, or needing helping to find one thing or another. Jim use to help me with housework on weekends, like doing the dishes or vacuuming. But lately the last few months he hasn't even done that. He'll get up at 8 or 9am have coffee, expect me to fix breakfast. He'll eat, take a shower and go back to bed for a couple hours. Rebecca will be up running and jumping around, getting into things and if I yell or smack her, Jim gets up mad because I smacked her and she screamed and woke him up. It's like I can't win for losing here. Sometimes I just want to run away. And if I tell them both that, Jim will say, Don't take the van, and Rebecca will say, If you run away then it'll be just me and daddy here, and you can't yell at us. Do I feel loved? No. Do I feel needed? Yes, but as their maid. Do you ever feel like that if you disappeared no one would even notice until they needed something? I keep everything bottled up inside me. I tried talking to Jim a couple times, but he was like, What do you want me to do about it? So, I have given up. We don't even talk anymore. We talk, but not about anything with meaning. He talks about people at work, or that he can't wait to go up to the cabin again. Well, what about me? When do I get to go anywhere? When do I get to have some time away from home and the child. I love my child dearly, but sometimes I need a break too. He gets upset if I go to the store alone and leave her home with him for an hour or two. He'll call me on cellphone, Where you at? Rebecca made a mess. It's like well clean it up. Your her father, watch her. Then I hear, I work all wekk. I want to rest on weekends. Ummmm hello, and I don't work all week? I watch Rebecca 24/7. I clean everyday, and it never looks like it, I cook, I bathe and dress her, I get her meals, snacks, drinks, take her for walks, pick up toys constantly, clean up his messes that he leaves. How hard is it to throw a napkin in the trash can and put the butter back after you make toast? He does this all the time, leaving butter out, and napkin and crumbs all over counter. And on weekends if I don't make the coffee, he'll go to wawa and buy a large cup of coffee, for himself and a donut for Rebecca. Nothing for me though. But if the coffee is done he'll go right in the kitchen and refill his cup from wawa. One time I told them both, I am not your slave. You know what these 2 ungrateful beings said? They said, It's your job, your the mom. No sympathy at all from either of them. I do and I do for them, and all they want is for me to do more. I'm tired all the time, I have no time to do anything I want to do. And when I do it's before they get  up or after they go to bed at night. Today, with 5 hours sleep, I will clean while they sit on their butts watching tv and wonder what I will be fixing for dinner. I'll get no help at all. None.

And another thing bothering me. I get an email from Jims Mom. They are not coming to babyshower. They gave me an excuse that grandmom can't handle the ride. It is a 60 minute drive, I know she can handle it. And I know she would enjoy getting out of the house. It just pisses me off. They can drive all the way to Virginia to visit Jims sister but whenever I invite them for anything they have an excuse. When Emma's son Michael, my first grandson was born and died, Jims family didn't even come to the funeral, or send flowers or a card. Their great grandson died, and it was like they didn't even care. They never even called Emma to say how sorry they were or anything. We're never invited to BBQ's at any of Jims family's homes, we're never invited to holiday dinners or birthday parties or even to a sunday dinner. They have seen Rebecca 3 times since she was born. Once when she was 2 mos old, then again when she turned 2yrs old, then earlier this year when Jim and I took the kids to their house to visit. They've seen Marissa twice, and Daniel once. Jims parents didn't even come to our wedding. For christmas we get a 100.00 check in a card. And I recently found out everyone else gets to have christmas dinner together, they get a check and presents. I don't care about the money or gifts, what bothers me is that we never see them and they never see their grandchildren unless we take them to see them. It is always on us to make that move. So, I'm done. I'm not making that move anymore. If these kids aren't important enough to get up off your butt and come to a birthday party or babyshower for them, then to hell with them all. My Rebecca tells people she has a grandma and grandpa, but doesn't see them. Is that sad or what? I say, it's their loss.

Well, I should go now. I need coffee. It's 7:30am now, Jim and Rebecca are still sleeping, must be nice to be able to sleep in.

Have a great weekend.

Love to you all......................

Friday, August 10, 2007

Prayers for Patty

Good Morning. I received an email from Patty/LittleLady1699 this morning. Patty has given me permission to post this email here in my journal. Here is the email she sent:

just thought I would let you all know that The 1st CAT scan was looked at again and yes it did show something on the 2nd vertebrate. I got a letter in the mail asking me to call them. which I did.
The lady I spoke with told me it could be a slipped disc or cancer. I going with the 1st choice only cause I had no problems before the crash. I deal with things as they come and not worry {or try to } about the unknown.
I have a 2nd CAT scan coming up next week...Pray for me...ok??
Please keep our fellow JLander in your prayers, prayer groups, chains. I pray the second cat scan shows no cancer.
Patty you are in my prayers always, and I hope you get good news with the second scan.