Monday, January 21, 2008

I'm still here.

 A big thank you to Sugar for this lovely tag.

Earlier today I made a huge entry, and when finished I clicked the save button and BAMMMMMMMMMMM, fricken AOHELL ate it. I was so mad, I shut the computer off and left the room and I just now returned to this computer. If it eats it again, I swear I'm taking an ax to this damn machine.

I am sorry I haven't been around lately. My life has just been so screwed up lately, I hadn't the energy to even write one sentence. I was feeling like I was in a bottomless pit and just kept falling and falling. I know it was due to that coughing and gagging thing I had. It lasted 3 weeks. Pure hell it was. I coughed and gagged so much I made myself puke on numerous occassions. And there was the deep coughing that caused urine to shoot right out of you. I had to go buy kotex pads to wear due to that, and I don't even need those things anymore. My lungs felt as though they were filled with cement and I couldn't breathe in deep without coughing and choking on whatever it was I was spitting out, gross I know, sorry. Between not eatting, puking, pissing myself, choking and gagging, the coughing, migrain headaches and the days and days and days of not getting any sleep, I was ready for the looney bin. Night after night I slept sitting up in the rocking chair with feet on computer chair and covered just to get a couple hours sleep. I could not lay in my bed and sleep because I coughed all night. Total misery. Jim went to Emma and asked her if there was something wrong between us or if I was mad at him because I haven't slept in our bed for so long. The past few nights I have slept on the couch instead of the rocking chair. Tonight I will try for the first time in weeks to sleep in my bed again. I really hope I can. On top of all of that, I have been dealing with an abcessed tooth for a long while now. Well, with lots of listerine and constant wiggling of the tooth, I got that sucker so loose tonight, I grabbed it with 2 fingers and pulled it right out, root and all. And let me tell you it feels so much better. I showed it to Jim. He just shook his head and said, Your just like your Dad. I guess I am, he pulled alot of his own teeth out also. So far I've only pulled 2 of my own.

Rebecca woke up this morning with a baby tooth hanging, so I pulled it for her and she made a quick dash to the bathroom to rinse her mouth, lol. It is such a tiny little tooth. It is all wrapped in a napkin under her pillow waiting for the toothfairy. She is hoping the toothfairy leaves her presents, lol. Well, yes she is. I had Jim go to the dollar store today while he was out working and he picked her up a couple things. Bead kit for her hair and a Blingy necklace that says Drama Queen. I call her that all the time, lol. She also hopes she gets quarters, not dollars, she wants quarters, lol. So we'll add a few of those under her pillow also. Then I'll take that little tooth, remove it from the tissues and add it to the tiny treasure chest I keep in the medicine cabinet with every tooth she has lost and had pulled.

I kept my granddaughter for 3 days. She is so behind in schooling. Well, we  really crammed in studies of all subjects in these 3 days and she did great. I made her a book, and within just 30 minutes she could read it. I was so proud, I praised her and told her she was so smart and I was so proud of her. Then she wanted to call her mommy and read it to her, and she did. Emma was like Oh my Gosh Mom, how did you do that? I told her sound out the letters and put the sounds together real fast. And it worked. The smile on her face after she read that book was priceless. She read it to her Poppop also. He was so proud of her. She got a big hug and kiss from Poppop, which brought another smile to her face.

Tomorrow at 7:am Dan goes in for spinal surgery. Please keep him in your prayers. He's scared and he is worried, but he knows it is something he has to have done. Everyday since he fell has been awful for him. He's in so much pain, sometimes he can barely move. He's been depressed and crying because he feels helpless and Emma does everything for him. He keeps telling her he is sorry and asking her not to leave him. He is afraid she's gonna get fed up and leave. I told him there's no chance of that. That girl loves him more then life and will stick by him no matter what.

Rebecca and I are staying home from school tomorrow, just in case we're needed over at Emma's. Uncle Bill will have Adrianna and Daniel. Emma is taking Marissa with her to the hospital with Dan. Marissa told her mommy and daddy she has to go. Cause if daddy knows she is there, he will wake up and be all better again. With hearing that, they could not refuse her. She is Daddy's girl. She has been so cute helping Emma care for Dan. She'll put his plate in the sink, get him bottled water, or a pillow. She will tell him, no no no daddy, you sit down, I will do it. You need to rest. She's like a little mother hen.

Anyways, I want to thank everyone who has called and left messages, emailed me and sent ecards asking if I was ok. That made me feel so great knowing people cared. I'm feeling better. That bottomless pit finally got a bottom and I am climbing my way back out of it. I'm not breaking down and crying anymore at the drop of a dime. For a while I thought I was having a nervous breakdown or something. But I am a fighter and I am fighting my way back. It's going slow, but I am doing it. Hopefully soon I will be my old self again. I've been taking lots of vitamin C, Women's vitamins and a stresstab everyday. I'm drinking lots of water and herbal tea's. Tonight before bed, I will take a dose of Robitussin and 2 Tylenol Pm's and hope for a good nights sleep.

I have 300 alerts. I know I will never get to all of them, but I will try to get to most of them. For those of you on the east coast, keep warm, and for those on the west coast, send us some warm weather please, lol. I woke up at 6am this morning and it was 12 degree's outside. That's just too darn cold for me.

Guess I better go so aohell doesn't eat this entry.

Love you all..............CINDY


  1. Cindy, there you are hon, So glad to have an entry from you !!!!!!!!!!!!! Will keep Dan in my prayers tommorow, I hope you feel better soon, Love You Lisa XO

  2. So sorry to hear you've been so sick lately. I'm keeping you and Dan both in my prayers on the smoke! (Hugs) Indigo

  3. Cindy, you do not know me but, I cannot send you any warm weather as it is supposed to be 8 degrees tonight and 28 for tomoorw so I really don't think it would help you, sorry Keeping you and your family in my prayers . I read your journal all the time..Dan will be fine I have had 3 of those surgries that he is having tomorrow.. He will just feel like he has a football stuck in his back when they roll him on his back. Tell him to keep pillows between his legs from his crouch to his feet to keep his hips leval...The first time I had surgery that is what the doctors put in my orders, when I had the second one I had to fight to get the pillows but they sure made a differance...I don't have a journal but read lots of them, don't comment much because some people take offence at it if they don't know you,   God bless an Hugs

  4. It was so good to see an alert from you. I am sorry you have been so sick and hope you are back to normal soon. I will keep you and Dan in my prayers.

  5. Dan will feel horrible for awhile but then gradually he'll feel better and better and one day he won't hurt anymore and it'll only be a bad memory.  I will keep him in my prayers for tomorrow.  You, my dear friend, just described the symptoms of pneumonia.  I'm so glad you are better I can't tell you how much!  I'm sure you're going to be weak for awhile.  I thought I was the only one who could pull her own teeth! My Dad was the same way.  Fortunately, I have very good teeth.  Three years ago one came sorta half way up and out, later I learned it was a baby tooth, and I pulled it the rest of the way. Congratulations Becca.  You are a real big girl now.  PERFECT GIFT for her by the way!

    Big hugs to all of you and it was great to IM with you by camera and see you all the other night.



  6. glad you are feeling a little better.  my prayers are with your family.

  7. Lord Cindy, sounds like you have had a rough go of it. I too and danny also pulled some of our own teeth because we did not have the money to go to a dentist...But having a tooth ache will help you make that decision in a hurry, won't it? It is either pull it or go crazy with the pain.Sort of sounds like you may have had Pnuemonia Cindy...I hope you get to feeling better now....
    love ya,
    I am praying for Dan, and Emma and all  of you.

  8. Sending prayers for all of you, made a little post to send readers over to say a prayer, too.
    Hoping all goes well with Dans surgery, & hope you get to feeling better soon. Have you seen a Dr?
    May God bless,

  9. sending prayers and good vibes
    love ya

  10. Hi Cindy,
    it's so good to hear from you. I'm glad you are feeling better. Did you go to the Doc? It sounds like you've been through hell and back, girl!
    OUCH on the pulled tooth!! You are BRAVE! I wouldn't do that LOL! Funny, I'm not afraid of needles...but a pulled tooth makes me cringe.
    Good luck to Dan tomorrow. I'll be thinking of him and keeping him in my prayers.
    Love to you all..
    Pam xoxox

  11. I am glad that you are feeling some better. Sending prayers up for Dan's surgery. That things go right and that he will have complete and quick healing. Higs, Helen

  12. My Dear Cindy,  I have missed you very much but refrained from writing as I just knew that you must feel ever so poorly not to come and speak to us. I have just kept you all in my prayers. Knwing that in time all thing will be well. I am glad that at last you are on the up again and I am sure you will be our own cheerful Cindy soon. Spring will soon be here and we all feel better when that arrives..Much Love always Sybil xxx

  13. Dear Cindy,

    I am so sorry you have been having it so rough!!!  (((Hugs)))
    Chest infections can be so scary!  You have had a bad one for sure.  I've been there in the's always such a relief to feel it leaving again and you are getting back to normal.  
    Prayers will be said for Dan that his operation goes smoothly and that he recovers quickly too.
    As for your tooth experience...sheeesh!  You are a brave woman.  That must have been so painful to do.
    Keeping you and Dan in my prayers.
    God Bless
    Jeanie xxx

  14. Cindy, Said a prayer for your SIL and will keep him in prayer today and your family.  I am glad you are starting to feel better.  That upper respitory crud is horrible!  I had it for what seemed like a month!  My DH had it for three days.  He swears by a sinus cleanse and eating a spoon full of vicks (ick!).  I hope all of you are well again and you are getting some much needed rest!  God Bless!

  15. Hi Cindy, sorry to hear you hav ebeen so unwell.Sounds to me you have either had pnuemonia or definatly a bad infection in the lungs.It taes it out of you bad I had it last year I thought I was dying ntil I went the hosptal an dthey gave me antubiotics.As for the tooth.well lots of peole ar ehaving to do this now because of the cost of dental treatment.Abcesses drives you crazy.Ahhhhhh I don't know how you have manged.I do hope things buck up for you and prayers for Dan being continues always.I hope the tooth fairy brings Rebecca all she needs LOL.Kids they are so funny arn't they but priceless.LOL!! AoHell do not know what they are doing just now everyone are having turns at getting disconnected changes to come also.I rang this weekend and they have been trying to fix my problems four days now .The reason I havn't been in J/land to comment and bob by.Due to there error it was too Grrrr.Keep smiling Cindy.I hope everything goes well today with you and everythig else.Take Care God Bless Kath astoriasand

  16. im so glad aol didnt eat this entry on you. that is so frustrating especially when you havent updated in a bit and its a longer entry.
    i hope that you feel better soon
    and i will be thinking about dan and his surgery i hope it all goes smoothly and he is back up and running fast :)
    take care of yourself
    i have missed you

  17. There you are !! I was wondering if you were ok.
    Will keep Dan in my prayers today.
    Feel better

  18. I am sorry you have been so low..that coughing thing is no joke..i had the same thing but was lucky enough to get medicine including steroids which helped a lot.. it made me PIMP too!! not also made me very depressed..i cried a lot and felt like a big old baby feeling sorry for myself but when you feel that low you can't help it..i hope you are finally on the mend..i can't believe you pulled your own tooth out! wow!
    prayers for dan and all of you...
    hang in there..

  19. Delete the 300 alerts and take care of you.
    I'm glad your well, alive, but you don't sound good :( I wish I could do something :)
    I will keep Dan in my prayers. Ask everyone to update you in your comment box so the 300 alerts can get tossed. Seriously. I will start.
    I have bronchitis and a troll that visits. My grandmpa died, funeral is over. We are all okay. The end :) See, now everyone else do that!
    Love you

  20. I agree with the last reader...delete the alerts...and start from scratch when you are feeling better...we aren't going anywhere...and catching up with us should be the last thing you think of.  Take care of you!!!  Prayers for Dan and his surgery...please keep us posted when you are up to it.  Try to get some rest...hugs and love,

  21. Sometimes when the alerts get too deep, it's just time to delete them.  You can start fresh with each new one that comes in and as time allows, go back a few entries in each journal.  If not, it's okay!

    Glad you are feeling a bit better and continued prayers for Dan and the family.

  22. You have been in the doldrums.   Coughing and not sleeping will get you in a bad state so quick.  Glad to hear you are feeling a lot better now.
    Adam lost a tooth a while ago and has another one loose now.  And boy did we know about it.  Screaming fits for two days.  You never heard the like.
    Will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.
    Take care now Cindy.
    Hugs to you

  23. My goodness flu and toothach, ouch hopefully your on the road to recovery now, must be a difficult time for now with Dan and trying to give support to your family, best wishes for Dan and his sugery, hopefully this will bring some relief.
    Your all in my prayers

    Take Care


  24. Wow you have had alot going on there.  Hopefully you are getting rid of that nasty bug you had.  I will be thinking of you and your family today and hoping that all goes well with Dan.  Take it easy and get better.

  25. Sure hope you feel better fast. I am sure all the stress you have been under has made it harder for your body to fight it.  I'll be praying for you and for dan's surgery!


  26. i have been really worried about you.....dont know if you read my email....why didnt you go to the doctor? You worry me so, Cindy!! I have your SIL in prayers......i am sending another envelope to your daughter today. Love you, lisa

  27. It sounds as if you had bronchitis or even a case of pneumonia.  If that tooth had an abscess you should get it checked out even if you have pulled it yourself.  Infection could still be there.  Glad you are feeling well enough to write.

  28. Good luck to Dan on his surgery, hope it will all go well :-)


  29. God Bless, you and your family will be in my prayers.  Spinal surgery is always scary!  I hope you find some comfort knowing so many are praying that all goes well.


  30. Sugar lead me here to pray for you and your husband (your cold and his surgery).  You know that J-Land is one big family and we are all thinking of you right now.  God Bless.
    Hugs, Joyce

  31. I'm here for you!  Don't forget that.  I'm also just under an hours drive from you so if you need me, just let me know!  Keeping Dan in my prayers!

  32. hiya,
    sending prayers, and warm hugs to you,
    hope you are feeling lots better soon,
    sue x

  33. Speeewwww!!!!  I almost couldn't get past pulling your own tooth out, roots and all.  AGGGHHHHH!!!!  I cannot stand tooth related things.  Anyhoo, I hope Dan is doing okay today!!


  34. good gosh woman ......I can't believe my eyes!.....Is it really you?....listen sissy ,I know all about that stuff i suffer with it myself....momma does too!
    God bless the little children who love adore and worship their such example in my mind is littleMarissa....This child is a special little child ...she loves her mommy /daddy and only wants to see daddy get better .....plzplzPLEASE give her a great big hug and kisses for me and let her know that "aunt nancy" is sosososo very proud of her

  35. Cindy here's hoping and praying that Dan's surgery is just what the Doctor ordered!!

  36. Cindy I hope you are feeling a bit better now ~ well done you on getting that tooth out ~ don't think I could even try that one ~ can imaginge how pleased Rebecca will be with the tooth fairy :o) ~ will be keeping Dan in my thoughts as he goes for surgery ~ Ally x

  37. Oh Cindy, you poor thing.  I am so sorry you have been so sick.  There are SO many people with this horrible cough and I am going to tell you a remedy I have heard lately.  Get Vicks Vaporub and rub it all over your FEET....and put on nice warm socks. Then go to sleep.  I heard this and thought it was CRAZY but my daughter did it...AND IT WORKED!!!  It's worth a try!!

    I will be praying for Dan and his surgery.  I am sure that with his "girls" beside him he will wake up in no time and the surgery will be a complete success.  Give Emma lots of hugs and tell her JLand is praying for her...and her whole family.....AND THAT INCLUDES YOU!!!

    Please call me if you need anything.  I am just over the bridge!!


  38. Heya Cindy,
    I hope everything went well with Dan's surgery and he recovers soon. I sure hope you are getting over that mess. I had it too earlier on so I know exactly what you're talking about. I would be up all night coughing and want to fall asleep at 9am in the morning from exhaustion. Yuck don't want a repeat of that ever. Glad you got some rest no matter where it was it gets to that point. That's cute about Jim worrying if you're mad at him. Lord how did you pull out your own tooth I could not do that. Hope Rebecca is happy with her tooth fairy gifts. When Kyan threw away his nippy the tooth fairy brought him some neat stuff too. He loves the tooth fairy I can't wait to see his face when he realizes he gets stuff when your teeth fall out. BY THE WAY, what is the tooth fairy bringing you? I mean Rebecca knows you lost a tooth too so there better be some quarters under your pillow. Wonder what she would say about that? LOL.
    Take care, Chrissie

  39. Cindy... sending prayers for Dan...

    be well,

  40. I came by way of Sugar and wanted to offer my prayers and support for Dan and your family.  


  41. that illness sounds terrible!  I am glad you feel a little better and I hope you continure to get well.

  42. You are one tough woman! I hope you get to feeling better soon. I have been there with that cough...the pee your pants cough...oh how I hate it. I would get the headache from all the pressure of coughing my head off too. So sorry you are sick, I feel for you. Feel better.

  43. I am so glad everything is slowley turning out ok. Wow at pulling your own tooth, that must have hurt. I did chuckle at you pissing your slef, sorry. ;-)
    I am sending good vibes Dans way too.

    Gaz x

  44. Sorry I haven't been around.  I get so behind in alerts and then I have to delete.  Sending prayers up for Dan.  Hope you feel better.

  45. You & your family have been going through some hard times, but please know that a lot of people are praying for all of you so it will get better. I always say a special for both your daughter & Dan. I just know things will get better soon for all of you.