Sunday, February 3, 2008

My Son in law

I had a nice long talk with my SIL and daughter Emma today. With what Emma told me and with what Dan tried to tell me, I feel there's something wrong with Dan emotionally and mentally. Here is a list of what they told me and what I witnessed personally.

No appetite, you have to make him eat something.

Last night Emma said he was freaking out about his back itching. He kept yelling please someone please kill me now. Stop the itching please stop the itching.

Whats on my back? Get it off, get it off now.

He is sweating so bad he has to keep changing his clothes.

Sleep is a big problem for him, he's having a real hard time sleeping nights.

He cries at the drop of a dime. He continuously tells Emma he is sorry when she does something for him. He has it in his head that Emma is going to leave him and she is not.

He puts himself down all the time. Says he doesn't feel like a man anymore, and he doesn't like himself.

He is taking 5mg valium every 4 hours for muscle spasm's and 20mg percoset every 4 hours for pain. To me I think it is entirely too much medication.

Last night his actions scared Emma to the point where she wanted to call 911. Thankfully though he calmed down and finally fell asleep. Emma is going to see how he is tonight, and if he's not anybetter, she is going to commit him into friends hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. I don't have a medical degree, but in my opinion I feel he is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

He can be sitting down and get a feeling that he is falling. He will start shaking, speech gets all messed up and it's like he is in a trance for a few seconds.

I think maybe he needs to see a professional therapist. Another thing that is bothering him is the fact his mother hasn't called or came over to see him. This hurts Dan deeply. His brothers have not been over to see him, but they will call and send money over to Emma for things she needs.

Dan and I talk alot. He knows he can come to me and talk to me about everything and anything. Today I made him a tuna on toast with lettuce and tomato and he ate the whole thing. He told me in his heart I am his Mom, because I am there everyday helping Emma to take care of him and the kids. Dan allowed me to check his incisions tonight and to put a cooling gel on his back to relieve some of the itching. The itching is caused by the surgical tape strips on his back. Once they fall off the itching will go away. I asked Dan if I could photograph his back. He said yes and gave me permission to put it here in my journal. He said you guys have followed this since the beginning and he doesn't want to keep anything from you all. He also said thank you again for the cards. Each card brought tears to his eyes knowing you all cared for him. And he said your prayers are working, and to please continue praying for him. So here is what the back surgery left.

He goes to see his doctor on thursday, and in 2 weeks he starts physical therapy. I guess I will go now. I am exhausted and gotta get up early.

Love to all.............CINDY


  1. did he hit his head? the pain meds can make you weird but you don't want him in pain. the doc needs to find something else that will help. i agree find someone to talk with Dan and help him through this Bend in the Road


  2. Awwwww Cindy I will keep Dan in my prayers, I hope he will be ok, Love You Lisa XO

  3. Keeping him in prayer.
    Be sure & tell Emma to with him to Dr & tell Dr EVERYTHING.
    Have a good week.

  4. Oh my! Yes....while I was reading this, I agree with you. Bless him. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

  5. I agree with you that is way too much meds.  And he probably is having a bout of PTSD.  I am also wondering about having a brain injury which causes all of these behaviors too.  Please see that he gets some help.  You are one loving mother.  I wish I was near.  Sending you and all lots of love and prayers from GA,


  6. might be the meds... talk to the Dr...  something is not right... but he did go thru some major trauma and has a long road ahead.  Sending good vibes

  7. If it is the meds, he'll need a replacement medication because he can't be in pain. He has to have pain relief.
    But, after a fall like that he should get counseling. They should provide someone to talk to him. I'm sure it is PTSD. That scared him beyond what I could even imagine. It's gonna cause him problems and they need to address that.
    Poor Dan. I feel so bad for him. If he could just relax and let himself heal it would make such a difference.
    Sending you and your family all the prayers I can muster up.
    Love you all,
    Pam xoxox

  8. Wow--sounds like he is def. on too many med.  With all the emotional issues they can just be compounding the problem. I hope that his doctor will be able to help him and will continue to be in prayer for you and your family!


  9. His poor back, it is probably itching more when it heats up as he lays on it.  I think you are right about the medication and I think Emma is right that he needs some evaluation, particularly as he has been through such a major trauma, counselling at the least will help him come to terms with it.  I can't believe his mother has not come, perhaps she does not appreciate the seriousness of his situation and how he is.  Also his brothers are being financially supportive but they need to do a bit more to help Emma, who has three small children.  Thank god, she has you to help her and Dan.  Please give Dan my best regards and tell him that we are rooting for him.  Hugs, Tells x

  10. Dearest Cindy,  As I said a few weeks ago this is going to be a long haul for Emma and Dan.  Although he is healing physically it will take a much longer time for him to come to terms with things being as they are,  mentally. He certainly needs more help I think and first stop should be with his own Dr. I am sure if he or Emma could explain how things really are he could suggest some help.  I am so glad that you are such a good good woman who is there to help then get throught his hard time. God Bless you all   much Love Sybil xx

  11. i hope on Thurs the doc figures out if his meds are causing this behavior. i am worried again for him...i hope he finds out NOW what is going on. He has already been thru SO much, as has Emma.

  12. Emma may want to contact his family doctor before having him committed.  He may just be having a severe reaction to the pain medicine.  I understand his dilemma with the surgical tape.  It bothers me in the same way so they have gone to using paper tape.  My skin swells and itches horribly when they use the regular tape.  Bless him and Emma.  I know its hard on both of them!  They will come thru this time!  Best wishes and praying for your family!

  13. continued prayers...

  14. Oh Cindy, I am sorry Dan is having such a hard time....and Emma too.  Please check with his doctors about his meds.  And also tell them what's going on before you have him committed.  He has a long road of healing ahead of him and he may heal better from home and from being with Emma and the kids.  I am sure he probably does need some sort of counselling and the doctor should be able to point you in the right direction.  

    Good luck...and please come back and tell us how he's doing!


  15. He probably is suffering Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and clearly needs help coping not only with his physical injuries, but with the sheer stress. He and Emma are very lucky to have you sending good thoughts and prayers.


  16. I don't blame you for feeling worried and I think you are right in thinking Dan is suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome, big time.  Therapy might help that will deal particularly with that.  Doctors don't get patients who have had an accident of this magnitude often so they don't really have anything to go by, I don't think. Recovering from it is going to take some time, because of the severity of the accident.  Thank god, he has you who do have maximum caring and ability to be supportive which Dan's own family apparently does not.  Which is probably one reason he is reacting the way he is.  I do hope he gets more help as you need to be able to share the burden of trying so hard to help get him well.  Gerry

  17. He needs to be on Depression/Anxiety medication right now.  This is essential, he is having Post T. Stress Syndrome.  Get him to the dr, if not take him to the ER. His entire world has been flipped upside doewn, he is suffering panic attacks.  Get him help right away. He desrves this.
    I love you sis
    Hang in there, give Emma a hug for me

  18. Before having him committed for psych, Emma needs to contact his DRS and find out if his behavior is being caused by the medications he's on. Not a single one of your commentors can say he has PTSD, it's NOT an easy diagnosis. I will be praying for all of you through out this. I can imagine how difficult this is.

    God Bless

  19. If I had fallen from a building and gone through what Dan has gone through, I think I would be freaking out as well.
    I am guessing that Dan is a proud man.  His inability to care for his family must also be killing him.
    Dan needs help.  I don't know what kind.
    Please be careful where you send him Cindy.!!!
    Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers at this time.

  20. Who can blame Dan for all the feelings he has!  He went thru a horrible ordeal.  I think it would be good for him to see a therapist!  Keep us posted.

  21. Poor Dan he has been through so much. I think that is to much meds to, but I'm also not the one sitting there in pain. His back looks good I think. That was nice of him to allow us to see something so personal for him. Tell him I said thanks and I'm still thinking of him and hope he heals really soon. He has a big support system here whether he knows it or not. I'm in tears over the fact that his mother hasn't been to see him. What a slap in the face. I'm sure that Dan has done whatever he could for his mother. Don't understand stuff like that. John's family is that way and I HATED it because my family is so different we are a support system for each other.. not against each other. Hope you get some rest. Let us know what happens okay.
    Take care and Hugs, Chrissie

  22. Cindy I do hope Dan gets the help he needs ~ perhaps his Doctor could refer him to someone who can help him ~ Ally x

  23. What an awful time he is having.  Poor man!  He is bound to keep re-living what happened to him.  It was such a horrifiying accident to happen.  I hope his doctor comes up with some help and anwswers to his problem. We can only conjecture here.  In reality the doctor should be seen first and then hopefully he will know avenues which you cango down that brings him the best help.
    I pray for you all and hope that this awful experience and stress will soon be lifted from all of your shoulders.
    Much love
    Jeanie xxx

  24. So many prayers going up for Dan....hope he can get the help you feel he needs...also prayers for Emma too...she is a special lady with the support from a wonderful Mom...hugs and love,

  25. i'll continue to keep him and ems and the kids in my prayers....please hug him for me and tell him i'm pulling for him..and for him to hang in there....he's got a very long road ahead of him ,but he'll make it

  26.  Poor Dan.  Some meds have some very terrifying side effects.  Look up the 2 he is on and see if they might be the cause.  I had one pain med that made me very paranoid once.   He has been through a lot. Keeping you all in my prayers.


  27. That looks painful.  I am here in Texas praying for you Dan YOU have alot of people who care about you.  I hope you feel better soon.  xoxBarb

  28. Could be his meds doing that to him.....He needs to be checked asap.
    His back looks so painful...I feel so sorry for him.....I am praying cindy...
    love ya,

  29. omg Cindy my prayers to Dan. It sounds awful what he is going through. Hugs and much love.

  30. omg Cindy my prayers to Dan. It sounds awful what he is going through. Hugs and much love.

  31. Cindy, I think you and I know, he doesn't need a psychiatric evaluation. That would worry him even more.
    He was a strong man who did a manual job, he's lost what he thinks is all thing 'manly' and at the moment he's reliant on everyone around him instead of being the person who supported everyone as head of his home.
    I agree, I think he may be on too much meds, especialy the valium...... Nasty stuff!
    It seems like he listens to you and after all, you made him that sarni and he ate the lot!
    You got it spot on, he's suffering from post traumatic distress disorder. He just needs the support from you all at the moment and I know he's got it from you all.
    Gaz xx

  32. catching up here...but yes, it does sound like a case of PTSD.  I hope he gets the help he needs.  my prayers are with all of you.

  33. Cindy, I've not been by in a week or so because of work and family obligations -- sometimes I have to 'catch up' with everyone here in J-land ... I'm so sorry Dan is so depressed, but I know it comes hand in hand with such a horrific accident and injury.   Praying for him every day.