Another Good One From PopPop Bill

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old
woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the
New York Times.


Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you fo r bouncing my check with which I endeavored
to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his
presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed
to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire
pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight
years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for
the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the
manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant
financial ways.


I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and
letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal,
overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.


From now on, I, like you, choose only to de al with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be

automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and

confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.


Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to

open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which

I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages,

but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about

me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical

history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details

of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be

accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I

will issue your employee with a PIN num ber which he/she must quote in

dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again,

I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access

my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the

sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me.

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer
is required. Password will be communi cated to you at a later date to
that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put
on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on
occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the
duration

of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I
wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman) 'YA JUST GOTTA
LOVE ' US SENIORS' !!!!!

And remember: Don't make old ladies mad. They don't like being old in
the first place, so it doesn't take much to set them off.