Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Tuesday Blah's


It's 8:45pm, Jim and rebecca are in bed for the night. Maybe now my migrain and frustration will go away. Today it seemed like every little thing bothered me. Everything I did was wrong, everything I said was wrong. Everything I picked up, I dropped. It's my nerves, I guess. All these worries and frustrations are taking their toll on me now. If I had insurance, I would probably admit myself into Friends Hospital in the nut ward. I need some alone time, some peace and quiet. And around here that isn't happening. Calgon wouldn't even help right now. I swear if there isn't an income coming in this house soon, I'll go nuts.  


I'd like to be able to sit somewhere quiet, no traffic, no people, no ringing phones, and just enjoy a hot cup of tea and just look at my surroundings. It feels like everyone and everything are bothering me. Wish I was a caterpillar. I'd hide in my coccoon for a while, maybe I'd have some peace then. I don't even feel comfortable at my own computer during the day. Seems like everyone is behind me reading, asking questions. Today I tried to do 2 entries. Jim comes up behind me, "click" left it to go away. This is my dam journal, my private thoughts, but out James. Rebecca is the same way. What's that say, I want to see that pic, show me turtles, like jeez go away people, your invading my space. So, I guess from now, on my entries will have to be made at night after they go to bed, and maybe early in the morning if I get up before they do.


It's been raining all day today. I like rain, but today it just seemed so depressing. No money, no car, just stuck in the house. Left to stare at the walls or out a rain soaked window at the world outside. Still no unemployment check. Man I hope it comes tomorrow. Cause if it doesn't come tomorrow, we'll be eatting creamed peas on toast for dinner. And I can't stand peas, I gag trying to eat them. lol Rebecca hasn't noticed yet, but I've been watering down her apple juice. It was half way full, so I filled it the rest of the way with water. And today it was 3/4 way full, so I filled it again. It's more like an apple drink now then apple juice. I don't think I can get away with it again. This kid is smart. I put icecubes in her glass now with it, cause she said it didn't taste right, so I tell her it's the ice cubes making it taste different. It's worked so far.


I've drank 3 pot's of coffee today, so I am totally coffee'd out. I'm all out of diet pepsi. I have 2 teabags left, one soon, cause I am going to go make a cup of tea soon. Or maybe not. I don't want it to keep me awake all night. I have trouble sleeping as it is. I toss and turn all night. My left leg gets to stinging cause of nerve damage to my hip and lower back. Always some kind of ailment going on with my body. I've been trying to lose weight, but it's so hard. I probably have lost some weight in the past week, due to trying to save a little food and making it last longer until that dam unemployment check comes. Man, they take their good ole time. Welfare says Jim made too much, so we are not eligible for assistance. HUH? We have no money, well we do, a whole 1.13 in my checking account, 1.00 in the money market account, and 1.07 in savings account. I had to pay the bills, so that's what was left. It just sucks right now. Where is that dag on check, we need some money quick, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.



Oh, well, I've written enough of my depressing problems down for one night. I think I'll read a couple journals then go to bed. Hopefully the sandman won't let me down tonight.





  1. Tomorrow is a new day! Make it a good one!!! :)
    Hugs, Sugar

  2. Ohh, so sorry to hear you had such a rough day. I hate seeing you upset over things, I do hope a good night's sleep (and perhaps that relaxing cup of tea after all) will help to calm your nerves and release your tension and frustrations.

    Like I've said before, I'm here if you need me. I may be young, but I'm reliable.

    "So take these words and sing out loud,
    'cause everyone is forgiven now,
    'cause tonight's the night the world begins again."


  3. Hi Cindy,
    I'm sorry your going through all of this bull.  It's hard.  Hopefully your check will come tomorrow.  I've been looking for a job for several months with no luck.  I am totally freaked out.
    Hang in there.

  4. hang in there:) can you call and find out when they sent the check? or is it direct deposit? tomorrow is a new day:)


  5. Im so sorry. You know sometimes I would like to be on a deserted Island and yes all by myself. LOL Hopefully the check will come soon. I know it's so hard when you have no money and can't pay the bills and get food. I have been there. I'm so very sorry. Hugs and love to you.

  6. I have been were you are Cindy... Of course, I only had one child, but I remember worring about were the next mean would be coming from...  I have always had faith that God would work everything out, and some how he always did...Please know that God is always there and he will allways provide..  You just have to believe....  God Bless

  7. I wish things weren't so damn difficult.  Life can be very unfair sometimes.   I hope you find "light" soon.   (The graphics sure are pretty though...)

  8. I hope that check comes soon.  I've had the blues all day myself.  She'll figure it out about the juice.  She is smart, but what can you do?

  9. Cindy, if you are that low on food you can get help.  Go to the city food bank. They will give you food.  Or try your church.  You should be able to get aide for families with children. They don't let the kiddos do without, do they?
    Check around on all the possibilities.  That unemployment check might take awhile.  Never know.

  10. ((Cindy))
    I know how you are feeling because I have been there myself. The town we lived in when we were going through this had a foodbank that you could go to. Maybe see if your town has one?
    Hang in there and prayers!!


  11. You need to call family and tell them you do not have food to feed your child. IF you do not have ANY family, you need to call a church and tell them you do not have any food. No church will turn you down and i bet they will even bring you food to your door. This is a sad and scary entry and i wish that check comes today. Sorry you are going thru this.
    love,lisa jo

  12. I agree with LJ, you need to reach out and ask for help.  Many churches have food banks.  And there is nothing wrong with getting help, it's why there IS help available. DO you have a Mejier's near you?????? Please let me know.  I know what you mean about others behind you when your journaling, it is a HUGE pet peeve of mine and now Scott knows if I'm journaling not to read. He is welcome to go to my journal later, but not when I am typing. I've always been like that.
    Don't make the mistake I did Cindy about feeling ashamed to ask for help when there is not food or money. It is one thing I regret.  
    Much Love

  13. It's ok to just get it all out sometimes.  I'm glad you did! : ) Prayers for you!  Hugs and GBU, Shelly

  14. hope you have a wonderful day.  my prayers aer with you

  15. I hope your check comes today.  I am praying for you to get the money you need to feed your family.  Hopefully today is a better day for you.


  16. Cindy I hope that cheque gets there for you ~ I have read some of the comments and agree that you find out if there is a food bank or go to your Church I am sure they would not want you to be without the basics for keeping alive ~ I pray things will get better for you and your family ~ Ally x

  17. chin up girlfriend and things will get bettersooner or laterhahaha funny stufcoming from me right?.....just keep the faith sissy
                       I love ya girl.......nancy

  18. Since you have a little girl to take care of isn't there some sort of emergency assistance you can get?  I've never been in your situation but I feel your frustration and pain.  What about family?  Is there some family that might be able to help you guys out till you start getting the uneployment checks?  I'm thinking about you guys!! (((hugs)))

  19. ((((((((((((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU)))))))))))))))))))))))))))I hope tommrow is a better day for you and you get that chechl,maybe someone can help you out till than?HAve  a nice night.

  20. I don't understand. My best friend is a stay at home mom, married, with two kids that were like 14 and 9 at the time that her husband got let go from his job. The plant sold and closed and handed out last paychecks and told everyone good bye that day. Wasn't that nice? But she went down to food stamps and they said since they had no income coming in because of his loss of job and they had two kids they got emergency funds for food by way of a credit card thing for food. She said it had like 500 on it. She went the next three days and filled the freezer with lots of meat and got lots of can and dry goods to last until her husband's unemployment check started coming in. So I don't understand how they turned you all down with a small child still in your home. If it was just you and your husband then I would understand, but not with a 5yo. Really strange? I know what you mean about privacy. I like to have it when I'm writing my entries too. Between the teens and stuff, I never get a chance to write entries anymore. Always did one a day, now I'm lucky for every other day or so. Hope you get some much needed rest.
    Take care, Chrissie