Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I have to share this one

Sorry if this offends anyone, but I have to share it. I thought it was funny and even a bit true.

 - - -

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20
years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or
salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be
your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company
smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be
aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month
knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered
from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the
month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel
hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from
now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my
husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills."
Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt
seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know
about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about
our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You
surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last
week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he
told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that
America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants.

Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to
reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always
maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these
words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you f#@king kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain
really think happiness-actual smiling, laughing happiness-is
possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above
sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be
anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up
on Motrin and KahlĂșa and lock yourself in your house just so you
don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle
and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the
love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or
"Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I
have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss
your brand of condescending bull$hit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX


  1. I about died from laughing when I got this in the email. HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    yours fave litttle sis

  2. very informatively funny

  3. LOL!  Offensive?  Hell no!  True??  Absolutely!  Funny?  You bet it was!  I'm still laughing!


  4. OMG! LMAO! this is sssoooooo true and funny!
    Have a nice day!
    Liz in Va.

  5. Happy period? I would pay big cash to have ONE male have to bleed and have cramps, tit pain, back pain, and pass huge blood clots while cleaning, washing, dusting, having sex (yucko), working and cooking. LOL
    love, lisa

  6. Offended by this No not me LOL, every word of it is so true, I would love for everyman to suffer just once in their life like we women do every month, they would never take the P**s out of us again, infact most of them would probably think that they needed hospital treatment,
    Thanks for the laugh, take care Lynne xx

  7. very Funny and very True ~ never offensive lol :o) Ally

  8. I loved it! LOL

  9. OMG! I am still laughing!!!!!hhehee
    Thank you sweetheart for my first laugh of the day!
    love ya,

  10. LOLOL Although gratefully I haven't had to put up with that crap since 1988 (hysterectomy...I HIGHLY recommend them. LOL) I still find it hilarious.  As I still have to put on a pad just to keep from peeing in my pants when LAUGHING! Hee hee. Thanks  for sharing.
    Hugs, Barb  

  11. that was good!!!!  lol she hit it on the nail!!!

    I take 3 super strength excedrins a week before and skip past the pain and sometimes the ugre to kill the husband..... don't worry hes still alive! until next week. lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!