A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife
asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the
side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was,
and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take
it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "OK, Get in the car with it."
The wife says, "Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it between your legs. It's nice and warm there." "But what
about the smell?" said the wife.
"Just hold its little nose."
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with
died at the scene
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> WHERE WOULD YOU BE:
> IF - YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES?
> IF - YOU HAD NO WORRIES?
> IF - YOU CAME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU
> IF - YOUR BATHWATER HAD BEEN RUN?
> IF - YOU HAD THE PERFECT KIDS?
> IF - YOUR PARTNER WAS AWAITING YOU,
> WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES?
> SO, WHERE WOULD YOU BE?
> YOU'D BE IN THE WRONG FRICKING HOUSE!
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home.
Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address because the last
Gander family that lived here took the house numbers
when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice.
It even has a washing machine.
I'm not sure about it.
I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain.
We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
Auntie Maude has sent you a pair of socks she knit,
she put a third one in because she heard you have grown
another foot since she last saw you.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Jimmy locked his keys in the car yesterday.
We were really worried because it took him two hours
to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.
Uncle Bobby fell into a whiskey vat last week.
Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck.
Fred was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends Butch and Steven were in the back.
They drowned because they couldn't get
the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time.
Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Aunt,
> labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist > in the
> delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the > father-to-be a
> lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am > doing!."
> Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the > doctor,
> "don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think there's another > one
> coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold
> that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" Said the doctor.
> Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby. "No, don't be in a > hurry
> to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried > the
> doctor. The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the
> doctor..."You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?