Saturday, August 11, 2007

Saturday Rant

It is 6:23am saturday and I am up. Actually I have been up since 5:am. Rebecca woke up fussing and complaining and anything and everything. Jim got up grouchy, stomping and yelling because of it. The only way to keep peace is for me to get up and let him go back to sleep. So he is sleeping, and now so is Rebecca and I am wide awake. Sometimes it makes me so mad. They both know I am not 100% well, and it seems like it is me who always gets the crappy end of the stick, you know? I give up everything for them, and I feel I never get anything in return. I'm always tired, in pain, laying down or sleeping longer really helps me, but do they let me? No, they don't. I don't think it's done on purpose, but jeez I am one person here, can I get some kind of acknowledgement for what I do and give up for these two people? I'd like to sleep until 7 or 8am. Can I? No. I'd like to be able to sit down for more than 5 minutes without one of them wanting something, or needing helping to find one thing or another. Jim use to help me with housework on weekends, like doing the dishes or vacuuming. But lately the last few months he hasn't even done that. He'll get up at 8 or 9am have coffee, expect me to fix breakfast. He'll eat, take a shower and go back to bed for a couple hours. Rebecca will be up running and jumping around, getting into things and if I yell or smack her, Jim gets up mad because I smacked her and she screamed and woke him up. It's like I can't win for losing here. Sometimes I just want to run away. And if I tell them both that, Jim will say, Don't take the van, and Rebecca will say, If you run away then it'll be just me and daddy here, and you can't yell at us. Do I feel loved? No. Do I feel needed? Yes, but as their maid. Do you ever feel like that if you disappeared no one would even notice until they needed something? I keep everything bottled up inside me. I tried talking to Jim a couple times, but he was like, What do you want me to do about it? So, I have given up. We don't even talk anymore. We talk, but not about anything with meaning. He talks about people at work, or that he can't wait to go up to the cabin again. Well, what about me? When do I get to go anywhere? When do I get to have some time away from home and the child. I love my child dearly, but sometimes I need a break too. He gets upset if I go to the store alone and leave her home with him for an hour or two. He'll call me on cellphone, Where you at? Rebecca made a mess. It's like well clean it up. Your her father, watch her. Then I hear, I work all wekk. I want to rest on weekends. Ummmm hello, and I don't work all week? I watch Rebecca 24/7. I clean everyday, and it never looks like it, I cook, I bathe and dress her, I get her meals, snacks, drinks, take her for walks, pick up toys constantly, clean up his messes that he leaves. How hard is it to throw a napkin in the trash can and put the butter back after you make toast? He does this all the time, leaving butter out, and napkin and crumbs all over counter. And on weekends if I don't make the coffee, he'll go to wawa and buy a large cup of coffee, for himself and a donut for Rebecca. Nothing for me though. But if the coffee is done he'll go right in the kitchen and refill his cup from wawa. One time I told them both, I am not your slave. You know what these 2 ungrateful beings said? They said, It's your job, your the mom. No sympathy at all from either of them. I do and I do for them, and all they want is for me to do more. I'm tired all the time, I have no time to do anything I want to do. And when I do it's before they get  up or after they go to bed at night. Today, with 5 hours sleep, I will clean while they sit on their butts watching tv and wonder what I will be fixing for dinner. I'll get no help at all. None.

And another thing bothering me. I get an email from Jims Mom. They are not coming to babyshower. They gave me an excuse that grandmom can't handle the ride. It is a 60 minute drive, I know she can handle it. And I know she would enjoy getting out of the house. It just pisses me off. They can drive all the way to Virginia to visit Jims sister but whenever I invite them for anything they have an excuse. When Emma's son Michael, my first grandson was born and died, Jims family didn't even come to the funeral, or send flowers or a card. Their great grandson died, and it was like they didn't even care. They never even called Emma to say how sorry they were or anything. We're never invited to BBQ's at any of Jims family's homes, we're never invited to holiday dinners or birthday parties or even to a sunday dinner. They have seen Rebecca 3 times since she was born. Once when she was 2 mos old, then again when she turned 2yrs old, then earlier this year when Jim and I took the kids to their house to visit. They've seen Marissa twice, and Daniel once. Jims parents didn't even come to our wedding. For christmas we get a 100.00 check in a card. And I recently found out everyone else gets to have christmas dinner together, they get a check and presents. I don't care about the money or gifts, what bothers me is that we never see them and they never see their grandchildren unless we take them to see them. It is always on us to make that move. So, I'm done. I'm not making that move anymore. If these kids aren't important enough to get up off your butt and come to a birthday party or babyshower for them, then to hell with them all. My Rebecca tells people she has a grandma and grandpa, but doesn't see them. Is that sad or what? I say, it's their loss.

Well, I should go now. I need coffee. It's 7:30am now, Jim and Rebecca are still sleeping, must be nice to be able to sleep in.

Have a great weekend.

Love to you all......................


  1. ((((((((((((((((((((((((( SIS )))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I understand where your coming from. The stay at home mom is often like being used & abused. <sigh> I'm sorry this is happening, I wish we lived closer.
    I can't believe Jims parents, even though they are missing out it still hurts to be left out. I don't get that :( I hope today gets better for you, I worry about you and just want you to be a happy sis.
    Hugs and Love

  2. (( cindy ))

    honey...... its time you stand up and give the ultimate ultimatem.....
    Either you straighten up and you get your a@# back on the ball and treat me like were married


    2.. we go to couceling and get help or


    3.. its over and this marrage is Null!

    I wouldnt take another damn day of this BS

    its time you stood up hon.... Im here for ya just remember that!


  3. I'm so sorry you feel unappreciated Cindy. You are such a good person and you need to be told what a good Mom and wife you are!  When Jim gets up today, make breakfast and then tell him that YOU are taking a nap!  He needs to help you some with Rebecca. She is his daughter too! I know how hard it is to work Mon-Fri...but he still should help you some.
    Hope you have a good day. Like I said, try and take a nap today.
    Love ya,
    Pam xoxox

  4. I think you should go on Wife Swap and let Jim and Rebecca get a real good understanding what it would be like if you went missing for awhile from their lives, LOL.  I think that is a common virus in marriages, feeling unappreciated.  I was planning on writing an entry touching on my day already compared to the husbands, and this just affirms my belief that women do the lion's share when it comes to keeping the home together.  I think you need to put your foot down, and ask Jim for help.  He asked you "what do you want me to do?" Don't get mad, give him a list and tell him this will really help the family out and I need your support.  I can't do this on my own.  See if that works, and I wish you the best!

  5. Time to make a stand Cindy my dear friend.  Take yourself off to bed, tell them you do not feel well even if you do.  Take a good book or some music to listen to or a talking book.  Spend at least two days doing nothing, tell them you feel bad and will be going to the doctor because of all the stress that you are under.  Do not do ANYTHING for them.  I know this is hard for you.  But let the place get into a mess, let Jim get his own breakfast and look after Rebecca.  If they stick their heads around the door to try and get you to do something pretend to be asleep.  I know it sounds easier to say than to do but you cannot go on like this.  You deserve a life of your own, you deserve some quality time. This will NOT help your health going on like this allowing the two of them to walk over you.  Rebecca needs to know the meaning of responsibility NOW at a young age. She needs to put her own things away, there are little things she could do around the house like tidying or have a duster in her hand.  She is not too young.  Tell Jim how bad you are feeling and if things go on the way they are you will crack up completely.  Sometimes we have to do hard things.

  6. Cindy,

    I know what you go though with the being sick, when my mother in law lived here with me and I broke my wrist in 3 places she and my husband never did offer any help .I did dishes,drove ryan to things, did the housework,etc.....  then with this new thing my husband has never once offered to help at all, never asked me if I was ok.

    we women they think can do it all even when we are sick.
    take rebecca to Jim and say "she is ALL yours for 6 hours since you are well rested while I get the sleep I didn't get last night"

    Then throw in "THE LOOK"  ~ you the one "you do this cause if you don't you won't want to live"  look...... I am teaching Ryan all about "the look". even his friend Thomas slithers away when he sees it! lol


  7. My sweet girlfriend, i hate this is happening! You need to take a stand for yourself!!! Tell them both what you have just told us!!!!
    If possible, pack a bag & go stay with a friend for the day (or overnight) or better yet rent a motel nothing but relax, read, take walks, bublebath by candle light, etc!
    Yes, you'll come back to a mess, but you'll be in a much better mood & well equipped to handle. Don't worry about Rebecca, Jim will look after her. And they'll get some dtr & dad bonding time.  :)
    Don't let them keep taking advantage of you!

  8. I hope you feel better getting that all out! bottling it up only makes it worse..remember when I left for the night and went to a hotel? It felt soooooo good....
    please do something for yourself today..even if it is just  a are worthy and have needs just like the rest of us....

  9. I know exactly how you feel...same things happen here too.  Hope there are changes and she can come to the baby shower...hope you have a lovely weekend...many hugs,

  10. It sounds like you should go on "Wife Swap" or "Dr. Phil".  My ex used to be like that, but in no way is Jim like my ex, I would not clean the house for one day and I'd get beaten up.  It's sad about the grandparents, maybe you should send them a letter telling them about Rebecca, send some pictures, etc...

  11. Cindy I'm curious does Jim see himself as a Christian? If so he's to LOVE you and treat you with respect and he may love you, but he's NOT treating you with respect and Rebecca's not being taught to OBEY and HONOR you.

    We live very biblically...we expect our children to honor and obey us and will accept nothing less and if they give less they ARE disciplined for it.

    Chad's simply put my best friend. I tell him everything and vice versa. I can't imagine having my husband be anything less and if he was, then I'm not honoring, respecting, and loving him the way God COMMANDS of me and again it goes vice versa.

    I'm not saying this out of harshness, so please know're ALLOWING them to treat you this way. So as Dr Phil says...what is your pay off? It may be a negative pay off, but you're getting something out of the way you allow both your child and husband to treat you.

    I don't dare claim to know everything about marriage, I'm still in the early years (we have been married 10 yrs) but I do know that Chad treats me with respect and he would NEVER EVER allow our children to treat me with anything less than the respect that I deserve as our children's mother and his wife, and if he catches them treating me less he's all over them and their attitudes change and apologies are said.

    We still have many challenges and I fuss all over Chad and the kids, but ultimately I know that Chad values my role as wife and mother and most the time I really do not feel taken for granted and I'm told often how much I'm appreciated at least by my husband and often even by the boys in little things they do and say! I pray you will find this in your life, you deserve nothing less Cindy.

  12. I'm sorry Cindy and YES we all feel this way. I felt that way my whole marriage. Nothing ever was enough for my husband and I finally got tired of trying which is probably where some of our problems started. I just couldn't work outside the home, handle three small stairsteps, take care of the house, the bills, help with homework, all the extra activities, I for real ran almost 24/7 there for a long time on like 2-3 hrs of sleep.
    I hate to hear kids say that about their grandparents. My kids are in the same boat. Their grandparents live not even 5 mins away from us, pass my house 4 times a day and have never stopped to see the kids or Ky. Heck they don't even know Ky's name. They ask for pictures, but I won't give them any because my MIL goes around town telling everyone that she is so much in love with her great-grandson. Kinda funny to me that she doesn't know his name and she's only seen him 3 times and he's 2.5yo. Does that sound like someone who really loves you? Please. I make sure to tell everyone that she has nothing to do with him or my kids regardless of what she goes around telling everyone in town. I don't play those kinda games.
    So when we all running away somewhere... moms only? I wish it was possible for all of us to go on a cruise or something. That would be so cool. I'd love to sit and drink margaritas with you all night and watch the sunset.
    Hope you have a better day.
    Take care, Chrissie

  13. I saw you had a rant that sounded so familiar..... from angies journal. So I stoped in. OH YES!!!!!!! I can so relate Todds family has not been here but once since 1991!!!! and they have to drive past our house to get to town!!!!! hows that for you and oh wiat till your kids get older. Mine are driving age. IM 45 and mine drive they are 19 and 26 but yeah they run all day and all evenings . come home dinner fixed !!!!!!! laundry done!!!!! house is clean!!!!!!!!  when they need me and they still do it s WHEN THEY need me!!!!!!! but in between well they dont. this is the hardest time I wish they would go back to 9 and 2~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  I DO NOT LIKE THIS PHASE OF LIFE!!!!!!!

  14. holy cow sissy you feel better ?....I sure hope's not fair the way jimmy & rebecca do you mom & dad have been married almost 43 yrs...wellllll it'll be 43 yrs in may ( may 16th 1964 ) and she aint able to do much ( she tries but she can't) and even with working all day my dad comes home has dinner eats washes dishes then he'll sit down and relax.....
    If any of the kids dares to get out of line with her or with him he's the one who let's them know it.....I love you jimmy my brother !.....And becca you are a big girl
    you guys give this lady a break ...she does so much for you both ....DO SOMETHING NICE FOR HER!...PLEASE?......sissy god bless you and i love you
    talk to you tonight online...and i'm so sorry for yelling at them but what i said was what i felt....and that's how i was brought up.

  15. I hope you feel better now that you got to get that out!  We all feel like that on and off.  There are times I wish I could just run off and see how well my family would do without me!  

  16. okay! did you feel better after getting all that out????? I hope you did because that was a whole lot of stuff to be keeping inside of you.  no wonder you haven't been feeling well.  

    Obviously, you are being taken for granted.  and that sucks.  and as for the family gatherings, that is something that should be explained, imo.

    take a deep breath and try to relax a little before they wake up.



  17. though i do not have it in me to journal about it....i told my husband my ass was packing the car and leaving him and the family and i meant it. I understand this rant well....i have tears in my eyes...i care about you and i DO understand how you feel...i can understand Jim being tired...i work all week and by Saturday my entire body is in HELL and i am dead tired BUT no one has the right to assume their spouse will do it all and they dont help. I LOVE YOU.

  18. If I lived next door to you, I would take you away for a great weekend. Let you be pampered in a nice Spa and then take you for supper. You could then return on the Sunday night and when they complain where you have been, you can just say, YOU needed to SLEEP, YOU nedded to just get away and evaluate.
    I bet ya they would miss the hell out of you!
    Cindy, try not to let it get you down.
    Hugs Gaz x

  19. Awwwwww Cindy you deserve a break, you are a great mom and a caring and devoted wife and it's hard when everything is on you and you get no help. I wish you lived closer, I would take you out to dinner or we could go out for a drink , I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed, Sending Big Hugs your way (((((((((( Cindy))))))) Hugs Lisa

  20. Cindy, I am sorry Jim's parents act the way they do too, they are missing out on knowing  two precious little girls and a darling little boy, Hugs Lisa

  21. {{{Cindy}}} Yes I do know what you're talking about, and it's sad. I wish I could reach in and give you a big hug.

  22. ((((Cindy))))  I'm so sorry.  I've been lucky most of the time.  If I could, I'd send Den to fix dinner for you for a week.  He loves to cook so he does all the cooking and I do the cleaning.  It's really sad Rebecca's grandparents don't take the time to spend time with her.  It's their loss though just like you said.  Hope you feel better.

  23. {{{ I hear this }}}}

    be well,

  24. ((((Cindy)))))) I am so sorry you are feeling used and lonely.  I wish I could give you a big hug right now.  Maybe you need to leave the house for a day....or even overnight.  Let them fend for themselves and get a taste of how much you do.  When my youngest was 2, I came down with a terrible pneumonia and was in bed for 2 weeks deathly ill.  My husband was left alone with 3 kids and a wife that had to go to the doctor every single day.  He said it was THEN when he realized how much I really did around here and he's been alot more helpful around here ever since.  Sometimes they don't realize what they have until they don't have it anymore.  Just a thought.

    Hang in there my friend....I hope your weekend gets better.


  25. Cindy, I must say this entry surprised me a bit.  You never complain about Jim or Rebecca... not like you did today.  Not that it's not legitimate.. it most certainly is, and I feel so bad that  you are feeling this way inside.  You always do so much for your family.  Sometimes when I read about the things you cook for them, the lunches you pack for Jim, and just all the little extra things you do to make your family happy, I always think how happy you must be.  I didn't realize that your family took you for granted so badly.  I don't blame you for feeling the way you are.  I would feel the same way.  Maybe you should go on strike!  Don't laugh, I am so serious!  It might be what it will take for them to show a   lot more respectt for all that you are to them both!

    Hugs and love

  26. hey cindy...i feel like you typed this entry out for me...i so can relate...i wish that we lived closer to eachother... we could let the girls play together and have some mom time

    its too bad jims mom and that part of the family arent coming to the baby shower...i think every family kinda has that we do in ours